BIGGER THAN ONE PERSON

When things at work seem out of control (which seems to happen quite frequently in my current field) it's hard to put a finger on the good choices and the bad choices. It's hard to see the cause of the suffering, or why the suffering exists. Because we tend to worry about the personal impact of our choices, about our personal suffering. So we can't pinpoint where everyone else's suffering began.

I wish they could see the damage they are causing. By doing what they think is "best for the show," I wish they could see the negative impact. The ruining of a business relationship that has withstood years of struggle, the potential ending of very long career, the almost definite ending of a few people's jobs. All because of fear. Because they wouldn't talk to their partner. Because of lack of communication. I hope they know that they are juggling the fate of so many people's lives.

But I doubt they do. People - all of us - are so good at focusing on what improves our own position. Not maliciously - we don't do it maliciously. We just, by nature, worry about ourselves more than others. Part of the struggle towards enlightenment is realizing that the whole world deserves as much focus and concern as we give ourselves. Putting that into action is so hard, but it is the first step toward being the most that we can be. Being the most you can be means thinking bigger than just you, bigger than just one person.

I do not look forward to dealing with the fallout of their fear.

MORNING

I love getting up early and spending a couple of hours before work doing whatever I want to do. Often that includes the mundane activity of checking email, but it also often includes a little meditation, a little physical activity, a cup of tea. Lately I've been jonesing for a French press, as I think making a freshly brewed/pressed cup of coffee would be a lovely addition to my morning activities. Soon I will add a jog to the gym to the list. It truly is my most favorite time of the day - a gentle reminder that I am who I am - not defined by my job, my friends, my clothes. Just me. And I like me, especially when I'm just being me in the morning.

HOLIDAY

I've been missing here in Blogger-world for a week while I Christmas-ed up in Connecticut with the Molloy side of our family. We had a great time visiting with relatives we only see once a year and those we see more often. There is no visit quite like a holiday visit; somehow it gets in deeper than regular visits - it finds its way right into that memory making part of yourself and hangs on good and tight.

Yesterday my pals Rick and Sue hosted a brunch party downstairs for some friends we haven't seen since 2006. It was amazing to see how they have changed and stayed the same. There were 3 children at this party - 2 babies and a 2 year old. It reminded me of growing up in a house full of kids - very loud but very full of life and laughter and love. It was such a thrill to hang out with Owen Cruse and get to know my old friend Andrew's new creation.

And today it is back to the real world. For a couple of days anyway...then there's New Year's Eve!

HOLIDAY HANG

A group of friends from Queens came over last night and ate yummy food and drank a fair amount of alcohol and partied for a good long time. There was a baby hangin' with us (which is really a remarkable thing - I kind of think there should always be a baby to love on at a gathering of friends). There was a lot of laughter and too much discussion about crapping in plastic bags. We spent a solid six hours with each other and never once turned on a television or even played a game. It seemed like all each of us needed was each other's company.

How truly, truly blessed I am with such amazing people in my life.

I hope to see all of them much more frequently, but until then I will marinate my soul in the moments we've already shared and wait excitedly to fire up the grill of friendship again.

SLUSHY

Snowy days lead to to slushy mornings. Slushy mornings lead to wet shoes.

Don't be a douche like me and wear Vans on a slushy morning.

WORK

It is hard some days to see the art in the business. Watching people I respected a week ago make stupid, selfish decisions that negatively alter an enormous number of lives is so hard. Luckily these are not the people I work for, rather they are people we happen to be doing business with. And likely will not be doing business with for much longer.

I am blessed to work for and with big hearted, large minded people. I am so happy that they believe in art and honesty and being good humans first. I am very honored to be a part of this family, and hope that the misdealings of the folks we do business with haven't made it impossible for me to continue being a working part of the family.

DON'T HATE

It must be incredibly challenging to have to speak to the press without being misinterpreted. The head of Serino-Coyne made a (fairly bad) joke to a reporter about tourists from Cleveland and is literally being eaten alive by angry people from all over.

How hard must it be to temper your humor with political correctness?!

I like Cleveland just fine and I think Nancy Coyne does too.

INSPIRED

Today I am inspired by:

• My little sister Desiree who is pregnant and full of joy.
• My little sister Sarah who is so smart.
• My boss Liz McCann who sees the hell around the corner and wants to protect her staff.
• My boss Joey Parnes who maintains a sense of humor at all costs.
• Snowflakes.
• The theatre we produce.
• My husband who is always big hearted and tips people better than anyone I know.

HOLIDAY SPIRIT

It is that time of year when the best things in life turn out not to be the gifts you receive but the little bits of holiday spirit that find you around every corner.

TOUGH READ - I WARNED YOU

I've been bad. I haven't written in ages. So here's one to make up for it...

I went to the girl doctor the other day. I'm sharing too much information...it only gets worse, I promise. I haven't been the most dedicated gynecological patient. I went to my first appointment when I was 23. I went again when I was 25. Then I just stopped going until last year. I'm a wuss, what can I say?

So last year I went again - to a different doctor of course. (I have this totally neurotic thing where if I don't do what my doctor asks I so badly don't want to disappoint them that I just never go back. Like it matters so much to them. Why am I so crazy???) Anywho...I went to a new doctor that I liked very much. She was friendly and easy going and fast. Which is a really great thing when your feet are in stirups and your ass is hanging off the edge of the table. Unfortunately she moved to California so when I went to schedule my exam this year (like a very good patient) I had to go to a different doctor.

This new doctor was fine too. A little more abrasive then last year's (I'm referring to personality, not texture), but fine. Though she surprised me with a little extra action than I'd ever had before. Have you seen that episode of Friends - the one with Joey's tailor? Where Chandler goes to Joey's tailor and the guy cups his junk? That's kind of how I felt when I got my first mini-rectal exam. Yea, I said it. An unexpected butt poke in the early afternoon. She warned me, but I still felt a little bit like, "hey, none of my other doctor's have done that...is this kosh-oh!!" And then it was done.

So thanks, I guess, to my new doctor for being so thorough. I suppose it's good to know my ovaries aren't hiding out behind my uterus.

END SCENE

MINI-VACATION

I'm very much looking forward to a little trip to Germantown, NY this weekend. We are only able to get away for an overnight, but it is much needed and will be much appreciated. We'll make a fire and toast marshmallows and drink cocoa. A perfect mini-vacation.

SMOKING

I don't smoke cigarettes anymore.

Right now I wish I did.

WORK/LIFE

It's been one of those days. One of those days that makes me love my job at the exact same moment that I want to throw myself out of the window.

Our director was flying in from London today to give notes on the show prior to our Lincoln Center Taping. First email I read this morning at 7:30am is from her - saying she can't get on the plane because her son is sick.

It's these moments when life smacks you in the face. What matters most here is not the $4600 plane fare that we will likely lose. What matters most is that she be with her son while he is ill and that he heals quickly.

Sure my morning was full of scrambling to try to avoid being charged for services that we are no longer utilizing. But it was much less stressful than her morning, spent worrying about the health of her son.

What matters most is family and friends. Not work. Work is great; work is full of friends and fun and energy. But it is not life. It is a part of life, but it is not life.

These moments remind me of how happy I am to have a wonderful life that includes wonderful work, but most importantly includes wonderful family and friends.

GERALD SCHOENFELD

He was a really great man, who did really great things for theatre in America. Not always perfect - but then who is? The theatre community will miss him terribly. I sure hope the Shubert Organization realizes his worth and replaces him sufficiently.