A Bit Right Now

EIGHT

2012-01-24T10:34:00.001-05:00

We are down to the final eight.After working on over 1000 performances of HAIR it is quite the...something to approach the actual end. The final performance of this production of HAIR.I think I am ready. I am sure I will be surprised by the feelings that arise on Sunday. Then surprised again in a week or two by the aftershocks of emotion.This journey has been long, weird, difficult, essential. I would not change a thing.I hope to squirrel away some time over the next 6 days to send some gratitude out into the Internet-ether. To share some thanks for this life-changing journey.Beginning with Macdermot/Ragni/Rado: without your willingness to embrace the times and morph them into a musically powerful, lyrically trippy story, none of this would have been possible. So much gratitude to Galt, Jim and the late Mr. Ragni, for joining hands and hearts and minds to create HAIR.LoVe.

CLEVELAND

2012-01-21T15:55:00.002-05:00

Cleveland has not exactly lit me up with inspiration. It's very cold & the downtown area that we are occupying is bleak. Empty, crumbling, gray.

But, my oh my, the food scene lights up this city.

I can only officially speak to The Greenhouse Tavern so far (and I can only speak highly of that!), but tonight I'm venturing to B-Spot Burger with the pals. I'm psyched to compare Chef Jonathan Sawyer's lamb burger with Chef Michael Symon's B-Spot burgers.

Monday night will see us indulging at Lola, Chef Symon's downtown restaurant. The menu is spectacular & I am giddy with food excitement to taste this Iron Chef's goodies.

Can't wait to talk up the deliciousness of Cleveland. It will help me avoid talking about the rest of it...

I'LL MISS YOU MOST OF ALL

2012-01-20T15:59:00.003-05:00

This HAIR.

This play that takes audience members from across our continent on a journey through joy and pain.

This music that lives in your head and your heart and your soul.

This production that turned 75 strangers into a family that lives together & loves together & moves together.

Most of all, I'll miss being a part of this HAIR.

LoVe.

FOOD

2012-01-05T16:22:00.003-05:00

Dinner last night at Morimoto

I'm skipping the paragraphs and just going with a list, because who needs extra words. Drool on, friends.

Mandarin-ginger soda - no alcohol needed...this food made me high.

Omakase (tasting menu):

Toro tartar topped with osetra caviar in a soy-plum sauce.

Palate cleanser: Japanese mountain peach.

Kumamoto oysters, three sauces: Japanese salsa w/ chives, ceviche w/ cilantro leaf, Thai fish sauce w/ jalapeno.

Seared red snapper in a yuzu-sesame oil puddle.

Amber jack sashimi over micro-greens dressed in yuzu-creme vinaigrette.

Palate cleanser: Guava passionfruit soda.

Half Maine lobster rubbed in Morimoto's 8-Spice Blend, side of yuzu creme fraiche & buttered veg.

Kobe beef short rib over greens in wasabi creme and red wine reduction.

Sushi Tasting: toro, jack, tile fish, sweet shrimp, needle fish.

White chocolate mousse on dark chocolate cookie crust, topped with peppemint gelee.

I was happy.

2.15, RIGHT?

2012-01-04T11:40:00.000-05:00

10 days to go...

This morning on the treadmill I walked a tenth of a mile, ran 2.15 miles and walked another two-tenths to cool down.

That 2.15 miles is the most distance I've run yet in this training. I felt successful...but I have a confession make...

I was watching cartoons the whole time.

Does that invalidate the experience as much as my guilt seems to imply it does???

The obvious issue is that there will be no cartoons to watch while running the actual 5K in West Palm Beach. Or will there?! Oh...no, definitely not? Hmph. That's what I thought...

The real thing to focus on here is the state of mind that I was able to acheive while running/watching. Which is basically No Mind. I was zoned out. I was moving but not thinking. I was out of my pain centers. My brain had found another, more enticing way to occupy itself.

Maybe on my next run I'll try to substitute breath for cartoons and see how it goes.

Yu-gi-oh!

CIAO TORONTO

2012-01-01T18:44:00.001-05:00

This is my last night in Toronto. It’s been a weird and somewhat wonderful 3 weeks, but I am very happy to return to the States tomorrow.

I will miss Second Cup. Canada’s version of Starbucks…it blows Starbucks out of the water.

I will miss the view of the CN Tower out of my hotel window. It’s a pretty spectacular thing to stare at every day. Testament to the human genius. And to the human need to prove how big our dicks are.

I will also miss the Loonie, the best and most appropriate name for a monetary device ever.

I sincerely hope you all had a wonderful New Year’s Eve. I had to kiss my boss at midnight, and, though he is absolutely adorable, it's just nowhere near as fun as kissing my husband.

I am also pretty sure I watched a girl stuffed into a shiny dress puke her way right out of a threesome last night. In the hotel hallway. Awkward.

NYE Rule #1: Do not vomit in an enclosed public space. Especially when you're tryin' to mack. (did I use that term appropriately?)

It’s going to be windy tomorrow at both airports – please send good travel thoughts our way.

Arms and heart open wide, I walk into 2012.

TWO MILES

2011-12-31T12:22:00.001-05:00

I never understood how far 2 miles is until I ran it on the treadmill this morning.

My legs are tired.

And I feel a strange sense of defeat, even though I accomplished my goal. Why is that?

I mean, this one got me. It hurt and made me mad and I got tired more quickly than my last few runs.

But I did it...and I can now move on to what's next...

2.25.

Oof.

HAIR

2011-12-30T11:22:00.000-05:00

I am grateful today for HAIR.

Listing all of the important things this show has brought to my life is impossible, but here are a few:

lessons on loyalty & on the harshness of this industry
the experience of working on a Tony winning musical
awareness of the fight for Equality
passion to join that fight
Penny Daulton
friends from the Aquarius cast, too plentiful to list
the heartbreak of a too-soon closing
Billy, Chris & Katie
DvZdJ
Lola & Charlie & Luna
my kids, Matt & Cailan
deeper relationships with Kacie, Darius, John, Paris, Steel, Kaitlin, Josh, Alli, Nick, Lee
Creative Goods & their adoption of Geoff'
Rob, Julian, Lisa, Greg, Mike, Jeff and the rest of our crew
new friends
Napa Valley
Doctor Who
30 cities & 2 countries in 68 weeks
so many hotels...

I want to keep going, I have so many things to be grateful for that were caused or inspired by this production...

But I must now work on this production.

RUNNING

2011-12-29T13:23:00.004-05:00

Y'all, I'm 34 years old.

And I'm a bit more to carry around than I was at 17, the last time I ran more than one mile.

As I get up-up-up into the years of my life I am realizing more & more how important my health is to my continued happiness. So I am trying this whole running thing that so many people rave about.

Let's be real for a second here. Running pretty much sucks. I am sure that as you keep at it, you can find joy in the practice. But when you are starting...well...it's a bit like trying to keep upright while suffocating.

I am starting my training on the treadmill, mostly because we're currently in Toronto and it's freezing outside. And I may be a little wimpier than I once thought.

But I am proud of myself - I have run as much as 1.82 miles in a single setting without stopping to walk. (I did that today!) That's more than twice what I could run before I started this training. The next time I encounter the treadmill I will run 2 full miles, no walking. And I promise not to grumble the entire time I'm doing it. Well, I promise to TRY not to grumble...

My goal: to complete a 5K in West Palm Beach on January 14th.

That's 3.1 miles.

And I have to be ready to do it in 16 days.

Oof.

LET'S TRY THIS AGAIN

2011-12-28T11:57:00.000-05:00

It's been well over a year since I've posted a thought to this page.

Let's try to fix that.

Today is December 28, 2011. A few short days before 2012, the new year, the next year, the best year (aren't they all).

I have been on tour with HAIR since September 2010. The tour will play its final performance on January 29, 2012. This date will mark the end of my nearly 4 year love affair with this game changing musical. While slightly broken-hearted to see it coming to an end, I am so very ready to let it go and move on to a new love.

In the final moments of HAIR, Berger professes his desire to stay who he is forever - to bake brownies, and wander, and be free - while Claude professes his need to move on...and does so to a dramatic end.

As HAIR comes to a close, I find myself dwelling on these desires: to stay the same or to move forward with the change that is always happening. For me there is only one choice...change. No matter what may come, we must keep changing.

32 more days...here it comes...the wind that blows...that water that flows...the sand that drifts. Nothing stays the same.

Change.

LOVE

2010-04-22T08:18:00.001-04:00

I love...

Geoff

Maroto

My family

Geoff's family

My friends

The Earth

Theatre

Sunshine

Water

Grass in my between my toes

Sand under my feet

My Life.

SPRING

2010-03-26T08:17:00.002-04:00

Spring is in the buds.
The buds are everywhere.
They stretch open.
Suddenly spring is everywhere.

NOT EXACTLY EVICTED

2010-03-14T11:44:00.005-04:00

On Thursday we received our renewal lease in the mail. And we received a brutal lesson in NYC real estate.

My husband and I moved into this apartment in 2005. At that time our rent was $1200/month. In the past 4 years our rent has increased to $1385/month, each year increasing by the city-mandated percentage.

On Thursday we opened our renewal lease to find that our new rent will be $1725/month.

Ummmm...what???

Geoff called the NYC housing authorities to find out if it is legal for the landlord to increase the rent so much. And here's where that brutal lesson comes...

If you are in a rent-stabilized building and paying "preferential rent" - your rent is lower than the listed market value - the landlord may increase the rent to the market value upon renewal of your lease. No warning necessary. No explanation necessary.

It feels like a slap in the face.

This is our home. We've been good tenants. Our rent is always on time, we help our neighbors, we don't complain about the shitty state of the building. We have even brought other tenants into the building when apartments became available.

But here's the magic of the world in play - yesterday during the rainstorm, the windows in our kitchen & bathroom started leaking into the apartment...as they often do when it rains, because our management company has not, in almost 5 years, been able to fix this problem.

What incredible timing!!

It was a little bit like the universe reminding us that we do not want to continue living in this shithole. I was so angry that the landlord would hike up our rent...until the dripping started.

Those drips nudged me into a place of acceptance & peace.

Thanks for the memories, 171. I'm happy to leave you behind.

EMBRACING CHANGE

2010-03-13T10:31:00.002-05:00

Here's the big news...

In October I will be heading out on the road with the National Tour of HAIR as one half of the company management team.

The tour will go to many places, including Washington DC, Chicago, Arizona, California, Florida, Boston, Seattle, Minnesota. There is a possibility that we will even head to Japan for a few weeks. I am beyond excited to start this journey, and know that I will learn so much. Plus it will give me a foot in the door of the union I need to join to be a full Broadway manager.

Details will follow, but suffice it to say that I am blessed.

FINAL PERFORMANCE, BUT NOT REALLY

2010-03-07T09:38:00.004-05:00

Today is the final performance the original cast of the 2009 Tony winning revival of HAIR will have on Broadway.

Beginning Tuesday we will have a brand new cast rocking the Hirschfeld each night.

I'm excited for the shift, mostly because of the amazing opportunity it gives the original cast to bring this show to London.

And I'm excited to see our new cast in action - they are quite a talented group.

But I am also sad.

I like this company of actors very much, and I love the work they do together on stage, and I feel a little like a junior in high school when all of your senior class friends graduate and move on together, and you're left remembering how cool it was to be friends with those folks.

But, if I follow that metaphor through, then I'm about to become a senior, and I'll very soon be caught up in planning the prom for this new class. And the graduation.

It must be tough to be a high school teacher. Always saying goodbye.

PROCRASTINATION

2010-03-05T08:43:00.002-05:00

Today I'm having one of those days where I just don't want to go to work.

There's no reason - I love my job - I just don't feel like going.

So it's now 16 minutes before I like to leave and I'm writing this entry. I've looked at my Facebook page at least twenty times (nothing has changed...) and have caught up on all of my friends' blogs. I've scanned the online sale at Crate & Barrel and checked my email, personal & business accounts. So what to do now?

I suppose the only thing left is to turn off the computer and get dressed for work.

That's the problem with procrastinating...you eventually have to do thing you've been delaying.

Shucks.

SECRET

2010-03-02T07:48:00.003-05:00

It's hard to have a really exciting secret that you just can't share yet (and no I'm not pregnant).

I just keep remembering that my life is progressing exactly as it should and that the people around me love me and that I love them and that soon I can share my exciting secret and start writing about the journey that follows.

We are all one.

GRAY

2010-02-24T07:43:00.002-05:00

Another gray day
inside another gray week.
Has the sun left us?

Heading outside but
keeping the light in my heart
bright for all I love.

SAME ART, DIFFERENT BUSINESS PART 2

2010-02-20T09:33:00.003-05:00

In 2006 I was getting married.

So - logically - I chose this busy, life-altering moment to also change career paths.

I've never liked sitting still. :)

In April of 2006 I began working as a company management assistant for Elizabeth McCann and Joey Parnes. They were producing a play called WELL on Broadway, in addition to producing to the Tony Awards. (Side bar: the Tonys were the Sunday before my Friday wedding...holy insanity).

Broadway had always been foreign to me. Prior to seeing Liz & Joey's production of Edward Albee's WHO'S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF? in 2005 the only thing I'd seen on Broadway was THE SCARLET PIMPERNEL. And I hated it.

That's being kind.

I ABHORRED it. I wanted to puke. It was everything that I didn't like about musicals and more. I'm sure there were redeeming qualities, but in my idealistic youth I sure as hell couldn't see them.

But here I am, about to get married, and working on Broadway.

WOOLF (and AVENUE Q if I'm being fair) changed my opinion of what Broadway theatre could be. And WELL continued that change. I realized that if producers existed who were willing to take risks, then good art could actually be seen on Broadway. Wow. AND the artists could actually get paid a respectable amount of money for their creations.

This is the point of this entry. I really didn't mean for it to be about my journey, though it's hard not to get caught up in yourself. Here's the point:

Non-profit theatre exists to give life to art. If you look at the mission statement of pretty much any non-profit theatre you will see that they exist to bring plays & musicals to life, or to "support" artists, or to develop new work. These are incredibly important goals - they are essential to the survival of art. The amount of brilliant plays that would never be produced without non-profit theatres...it hurts my heart to think about it.

These theatres are financed in large part by governmental grants, corporate sponsorship, and individual donations of $1,000 or less.

For-profit theatre exists, by definition, to make money. And this is where it is important to think hard and shake off your preconceived notions about what "making money" means.

People invest their own money into these productions. N0t $1,000 of their money. More like $250,000.

Approximately 4 out of 5 times that a play or musical is produced on Broadway, these people lose most (if not all) of their investment. That's crazy. That means that if there are 10 investors equally spread over 10 shows, only 2 of them will see a return on their investment. 8 of them will lose money by producing theatre that they (hopefully) believe in.

My favorite difference in the two forms of producing theatre is this:

Approx. average weekly salary for an actor working at an NYC non-profit*: $650/week
MINIMUM weekly salary for an actor working on Broadway**: $1,605/week

A director working on a Broadway show receives at least a 5 digit guaranteed payment for the work they will do. They also receive a small weekly guarantee every week the show runs. They also receive a portion of the profit if any exists. That adds up to an enormous sum of money.

An author can easily make, in a 6 month run that doesn't even recoup it's entire investment, upwards of $200,000.

What is my point? Same art, different business.

Commercial theatre does not exist solely to make money for the producers & investors - IT ALSO MAKES MONEY FOR THE ARTISTS.

There are so few outlets for these people to make a decent salary - Broadway gives them one.

I'm proud to work in a business that can help give artists a good life.

SAME ART, DIFFERENT BUSINESS

2010-02-11T07:08:00.004-05:00

For my entire professional life until I was almost 29 (that's a mere 10 years, but still...) I worked exclusively in non-profit theatre. And it was good.

I worked in many different capacities, from actor to stage manager to carpenter, and I worked on many different plays, from Hamlet to Breath, Boom! to Miracle Brothers. And I loved it.

I was creating art, and though my contributions to the creation of that art were small, it was fulfilling and always different and exactly what I expected I would do with my life.

Those shows did not make money. They were not supposed to make money. They were produced to showcase the art.

And then I hit a wall and could not see how I could make a life for me and my family if I did not make a change. I observed the many different people doing many different jobs and realized that all of my previous experience seemed to be leading me to produce theatre. So there, I'll be a producer!

Folks, this is easier said than done.

I started looking for a path that could lead me to this goal. It seemed that if I learned about the workings of theatre from a management perspective I could open more doors for myself. I observed company managers and thought, "I could do that. That job fits me."

And a company management assistant gig opened up at exactly this time. Kismet?

I have to run to work now, but will continue this tomorrow.

GRACE

2010-02-02T07:50:00.002-05:00

I am so happy for my friend Rachel and her partner and there gorgeous new baby Grace. They are amazing people and will be amazing parents.

LOVE!!!

THE GOODS

2010-02-01T08:09:00.000-05:00

This is the goods.

COMPLICATED

2010-01-29T08:12:00.002-05:00

I think perhaps we make life more complicated than it is. And love. And work.

Maybe just a little less pre-thinking, and a little more simple response can help.

WHAT MATTERS MOST

2010-01-17T09:19:00.001-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfY_vbrQrDQ

PASSING STRANGE

2010-01-16T09:56:00.002-05:00

Not only is PASSING STRANGE my favorite musical ever, it's now also the first movie with my name in the credits. Sweet.

"And should the mask begin to fall, my chorus comes in like a 12 foot wall so you can't see me."

Pure poetry.

SOME THOUGHTS

2010-01-05T07:55:00.003-05:00

When dealing with family it is almost always better to nod and smile.

Days go by quicker when you buckle down and do the work.

A new year is like the grown up version of back-to-school. We should get a new outfit too.

Sometimes the sun shining on windows in NYC looks just like fire.

It's not enough to love. You have to share that love.

A child is pure beauty, even when dripping with drool.

2010

2010-01-03T10:33:00.002-05:00

2009 was...well, a year. There were amazing parts, and terribly challenging parts, and a lot of just plain boring parts. But, and I feel this every January, I'm ready for what's next.

In 2010 I want to continue my work on friendship-strengthening. More brunches, fewer months without seeing anyone but Geoff and my co-workers.

In 2010 I want to refocus my attention on my personal spiritual growth. I definitely let that slip off the plate in 2009 - not nearly enough meditation or self education. I want to get back in touch with the heart of me, so that I can continue my growth into a more complete human.

In 2010 I want to continue to grow in my career. I've realized that company management is something I very much enjoy, and I want to keep on the path to becoming a full manager. I am open and willing and very excited about this journey.

In 2010 I want to get a clearer picture of the plan for my life. Will we go the family route? If so, when? Will we remain city folk, or get a house in a different community? No decisions are ever definite, but we need to more clearly know our wants in order to make them reality.

In 2010 I want to live and laugh and love as fully as possible.

NOT A DAY

2009-12-16T07:46:00.002-05:00

Not a day goes by when I do not think of the many blessings in my life. I know not everyone is so lucky.

Though I do believe that everyone has something, even just one little thing, to be thankful for.

And it brings warm giddiness to my soul when I see or hear people bringing their attention to these important, wonderful little things.

CLEAN ME

2009-12-13T10:55:00.002-05:00

I spend a lot of time at work, and a decent amount of time working from home. And for years, until a few days ago, most of my remaining time at home has been spent in some form of intoxication. A little like I needed to be numb. All the time.

There have been many changes over the past few months: I was diagnosed with high cholesterol, my husband quit his job, I was diagnosed with mild cervical discogenic degenerative disease (quite literally, a pain in the neck), my father-in-law lost his job, my mother found a lump (not cancer, thank heavens), I've been given more responsibility at work including managing our out of town events, some good friends had to close their business, and I am interviewing with the company manager of the HAIR tour with the hope of joining her on said tour when it goes out in the fall.

These changes have brought a few things into sharp focus.

For one, I am so lucky that I love what I do. Not that everything at work is always sunny and perfect, but I love the people I work with, the show I work on, the tasks I am asked to complete. I am very lucky.

Second, my family is incredibly special. I think ALL families are special, but I belong to the one I belong to, and I am happy and honored and totally in love with all of them.

Third, my husband is an amazing and complicated being who is so full of love and brilliance. He is growing at a rate that I didn't realize was possible for him, and is a continued testament to why he needed to leave his job. He has mentioned more than once his appreciation of my support for his quitting. I keep telling him that it was the best thing he's done for himself, and for us, in years. And it's so true - the job was stunting his growth as a compassionate human being and it's so beautiful to see him back on track.

Finally, and most significantly to this particular blog entry, I need to be clear headed. The damage done by dulling the world is far reaching. It interferes with my intellectual growth, with my spiritual growth, with my career growth, among many other things. Three days off and I feel like a new person. Not a different person, which is SO important to point out, but a new shined up version of who I've always been.

I'm excited to continue in my life journey with clear focus and pure joy for everything that is to come. I've always loved life, but now - like I did in high school - I can embrace it with every single bit of myself and let the opportunities knock once again.

COOKIES

2009-12-06T08:02:00.004-05:00

The holiday season is fully upon us, yet I still cannot believe it is here.

Next weekend is cookie trial weekend which should help me accept the approach of Christmas.

I plan to test:

chocolate cake cookies with peppermint-marshmallow icing
toasted almond & chocolate chip oatmeal cookies
iced sugar cookies
gingerbread cookies
iced pumpkin cookies

Yum...

SCHEDULE CHANGE

2009-12-05T17:44:00.003-05:00

My husband and I no longer share the same schedule now that he has broken free of the evil corporate chains.

It's a strange thing.

We have had the same basic schedule for the past three and a half years. I would often be required to work much later than he, so it was a rare momemt that I would be alone in our apartment.

All that has changed. It is simultaneously wonderful and a bit disconcerting to have so much time alone. I know the novelty will wear off soon enough, so I am trying to really observe and appreciate this strange new feeling.

THE DAY AFTER, OR WHAT I'M STILL THANKFUL FOR

2009-11-27T11:04:00.004-05:00

After the turkey and stuffing have digested and the morning-after coffee has been brewed and consumed, I like to look back on Thanksgiving and on the past year to restate what I am thankful for.

my wonderful husband Geoff who loves me no matter
Maroto, the fiercest of all lovable pets
my family who supports & loves & asks for nothing to do so
Melrose Place (not the TV show)
slow food
carrots growing on the fire escape
Alton Brown's turkey brine
friends with babies
friends with no babies
friends in faraway places
friends in Brooklyn
my husband's family, who have embraced me as their own
Central Park
being a part of Team McCann/Parnes
Farmville
NY Botanical Gardens
the theatre
the Vineyard
clams
FSC
dirt, trees, rocks, rain
the fact that food can taste so good
LOVE

There's so much more. I am blessed.

Happy Thanksgiving.

ONE

2009-11-24T07:41:00.003-05:00

Life and love and dreams
Earth and babies and clouds
Fruit and cookies and memories

We are all one.

FELLOW BLOGGERS

2009-11-21T08:49:00.003-05:00

Pregnant friends and brilliant, world-traveling friends write the most lovely blog entries.

I'm so thankful to have such amazing women in my life.

NOVEMBER MUSINGS

2009-11-03T07:15:00.003-05:00

Is it that we don't know where we are going? It seems more about the fact that we don't know what steps to take to keep us moving forward.

My destination has never been clearly defined. I resist defining it for fear of ending up in an uncomfortable, unsatisfying box. But it has become clearer to me over the past few years that boxes can be opened fairly easily and change is not so hard to create when you need it.

So I'm stepping inside the box and accepting that I enjoy being a manager. I am ready to fully embrace the joys and hardships of the position and the joys and hardships of a life out of the spotlight. I have not considered myself an actor for years, but I am realizing that maybe I have been holding onto a little thread of hope (not the right word...fear of giving up?) that keeps me from fulling embracing my love of management and producing. I am hoping that by saying it out loud I can finally, completely, let go of the thread.

I don't think that anything is ever definite. Who knows where my life will take me in the next 10 years? I certainly have not ended up where I thought I would when I was 22. But I think the reason things proceeded so well through this first part of my life is that I was open and honest with myself, and that I trusted that things were happening as they should.

I have been feeling like I'm hiding from me for the past year or so. I don't know why...perhaps the upheaval at my office since the Tony contract was not renewed. (It really is like working for/with your family, so when my coworkers & bosses hurt I feel it too.) Perhaps it's the fact that I've not been practicing my meditation. Perhaps it's because I've not been spending enough time free from intoxicating substances. But most likely it's all of these things and more - and it is the fact that I have not wanted to face any of them.

November seems like a great month for refocusing and embracing and facing what my life is.

BACK TO WORK

2009-11-02T07:17:00.002-05:00

Today I will return to the office. I've managed to almost completely ignore it for my week away. I am thankful that I have a job that gives me vacation.

That being said I could very much use another few days of peace & quiet. One week is not quite enough.

I LOVE NY

2009-08-28T08:37:00.005-04:00

There are many, many days that I lose track of the wonder that is New York City.

Last night, while sitting in Central Park at the Delacort Theatre watching an odd production of The Bacchae, a breeze blew through the audience. It caressed and cooled my cheek and sent me briefly into the deep part of my mind where I store the memories of all the things that I love. And what did it pluck from my personal Pensieve for me to observe? My love of the city - my love of that moment. My love of sitting in the landmark of Central Park, watching remarkable actors perform a Greek tragedy. I felt immersed in a memory, which was in fact just reality, as I looked up and around and realized what an amazing life I have. Where else in the world??? These are not average actors; these are incredibly gifted actors doing incredibly challenging work for almost no money. And they do it for the challenge and for the prestige.* I love New York City.

I often dream of a house with a yard for a garden and a grill and a big tree for climbing.

I often dream of driving myself to work.

I often dream of a garage to store my bike and my drill and to use to accumulate more tools to do work on my house.

I cannot have those things in Manhattan; it's just not built that way. But when I finally am able to obtain them, I will miss living inside this incredibly vibrant city. I will miss walking through Central Park to the farmer's market on the West Side. I will miss living inside the biggest theatre town in the US.

I love New York.

*(Amazing that theatre is now considered prestigious, after studying its historical roots.)

2009-08-27T08:14:00.000-04:00

I am currently infatuated with love.

BASEBALL

2009-08-24T08:12:00.003-04:00

Yesterday Geoff and I took our nephew to a New Britain Rock Cats game. They, as we learned on our way to the game, are a part of the Minnesota Twins franchise. I don't know much about the Minnesota Twins except that I think Kirby Puckett played for them at some point.

A minor league (I think that's what it was...) baseball game is kind of a wonderful outing. The tickets are cheap (the expensive seats are $12, the cheap seats are $5), the players are friendly and willing to sign any child's baseball or t-shirt or lunchbox, the food is more reasonably priced than at a major league game (though $3.75 for a snow cone is still outrageous), and people just seem to be having a great time. And best of all you get to watch pretty decent baseball.

Of course when it's 90 degrees and you're sitting in the blazing sun with a 7 year old there's not a chance in hell that you're making it to the end of the game. Try the end of the 5th inning...

SLOW FOOD

2009-08-20T08:34:00.002-04:00

Tonight the Edible Garden event at the NYBG is "Slow Food" hosted by Josh Viertel. I'm so psyched to listen to this guy talk about the slow food movement. I don't know much about it, but I do know that I like to eat, I know I like to eat locally prepared food, and I know I like food that has been made with care more than food that has been prepared at McDonalds.

Plus there are bound to be samples and music and loveliness all around - what more can a girl ask for???

2009-08-19T08:37:00.001-04:00

Running late. Is it because I don't really want to go? Maybe. Probably.

Definitely.

THANK YOU

2009-08-18T08:15:00.002-04:00

Today I send a thank you out to everyone I have ever known in the world. Whether you have brought me pain or joy I thank you.

Without you I would not be me. And I like me.

BDAY WEEKEND

2009-08-16T17:44:00.002-04:00

A weekend like that just experienced by me is a reminder of life's simple pleasures:

beef jerky
grilled vegetables
grilled steak
grilled anything
meteor showers
a sky full of stars
deer on the lawn
bunnies
a ceiling fan
cucumbers
farmer's markets
river rafting
waterfalls
beer in a can
bats in the sky
ice cream cake
fireworks

Even more amazing than all of these simple pleasures is the pleasure and privilege of amazingly generous friends who might as well be family. Thank you for your awesomeness, and your love.

I am blessed.

BDAY

2009-08-13T08:58:00.003-04:00

One of the loveliest parts of Facebook is that you get so many birthday wishes, from people who would otherwise never know that it was your birthday.

You even get birthday wishes before it's your birthday! Which makes the celebration of your birthday even longer.

I like that. :)

GROWING UP

2009-08-12T07:31:00.003-04:00

I absolutely love having dinner with friends. It's just one more sign of getting older I suppose, but I prefer having a good dinner with a bottle of wine to drinking at a bar anyday of the week.

My freshly 18 year old sister and her 21 year old boyfriend visited us for about a week recently. I do not think I have ever felt as old as when hanging out with them. I guess I haven't realized that I have been turning into an adult every day. I still wear jeans to work! I still watch The Simpsons! I don't even clean my apartment every week! Not that any of these habits need to change in order for me to become adult (though I'm trying to get better about the cleaning...). Which is my point I guess.

I have, without noticing, turned into an adult who likes to cook and wants a garden and just might want to raise a family and certainly prefers lectures about nutrition to partying.

I have replaced pb & j on white bread (crusts cut off please) with turkey, avocado and sprouts on whole wheat bread, hold the mayo please.

I have replaced white russians with white wine.

I have replaced messing around with friends on the subway with reading a book on the subway.

I have replaced laying out in Central Park with a daily application of sunscreen.

I have replaced bedtime at 2am with bedtime at 10:30pm.

But I am still me.

I'm still the same person who, at 18, was never going to have children, would never stop staying up until midnight, who would always listen to NWA, who would never forget what it was like to be a kid.

I was bold and confident in myself at 14, 16, 18, even 21. I am still bold and confident in myself, though from a very different perspective.

As a teenager I screamed at my mom in a fit of angst that adults just don't understand what it is like to be young. I told her that I thought a piece of their brain dries up and disappears - the piece that remembers what it feels like to be a kid. I told her I would never lose that part of my brain. She said, "Okay; we'll see."

Hmmm.

I guess mother's are indeed always right.

2009-08-10T08:28:00.002-04:00

What do you do when you don't feel like doing anything?

Just keep going. And doing. Whether you want to or not. It's kind of the only thing to do.

BOAT BASIN

2009-08-09T09:41:00.002-04:00

I highly recommend lunch/dinner at the 79th Street Boat Basin. It's one of the most unique restaurants in New York City, and the burgers are always yummy. I was there yesterday, and, if the sun comes out, might very well be there again today.

I also recommend that you get off the subway 2 stops earlier than necessary and walk along Riverside Park on your way to eat at the Boat Basin. Thinking happens freely when walking along this beautiful park, and that's a very nice thing on a lazy, burger eating afternoon.

WHAT TO DO

2009-08-08T09:45:00.001-04:00

We don't always do what we set out to do.

But if we are willing we will always end up doing what we were meant to do.

SOME DAYS

2009-08-03T14:12:00.001-04:00

Some days are better than others. Some are worse. All are just days though, and they all do end.

MARKETS

2009-08-01T09:38:00.002-04:00

I discovered an amazing sheet of paper from Greenmarket NYC that lists all of the markets in the city and their days/hours of operation. Yesterday I stopped at the 97th and Columbus market where I picked up two beautiful tomatoes for a caprese salad and a lemon cucumber, which is a veggie I'd never seen. I'm psyched to taste it.

Today, after my li'l sis and her beau arrive, we're going to the ever-famous Union Square market. I hope to find another yummy something that I've never had before. These markets are a very special treat in New York - what other city offers a farmer's market everyday of the week - often times in multiple locations?

It's trade-offs like this one that make it okay to live in this jungle of concrete.

A LIFE I'D LIKE

2009-07-31T08:18:00.003-04:00

The truth is...
It's a sad truth...
Losing touch with some
Creates room for others.

Sure, it's better to just open yourself bigger and bigger,
but sometimes the limits of life make that tough.

I'd like to create a life in this day and age where:

1. The most important bit is not working but living.
2. The work I do has a positive impact on the world.
3. The life I lead has a positive impact on the world.
4. Yearly vacations are never skipped.
5. Most of my money is spent on good food and helping others.

Plus more time for people I love, and more room for new people to love. And a garden.

2009-07-29T08:18:00.002-04:00

Today I feel like curling up on my couch and reading book after book, with a cup of tea in my hand and the rumble of thunder in the background.

But instead, I guess I'll go to work...

HOMEGROWN

2009-06-30T10:19:00.004-04:00

I have decided this year to start my very own edible garden. The trouble with this passion project is that I live on the fourth floor of an apartment complex. And I have no land. Not even a solid terrace on which I could create a raised bed garden. So I've got a lot of pots on window sills...

I have planted the following edibles:

Patio Tomato plants
Fish Pepper plants
Mini Sweet Red Pepper plants
Mini Purplette Bunching Onions
Various Leaf Lettuces
Basil
Cilantro
Chives
Strawberry plant

So far I have used some cilantro for guacamole (yum!), some basil on a margherita pizza, the top of one of the onions (aka scallion) in a veggie stir-fry, and some lettuce to supplement my store bought lettuce. But today - I can hardly contain my excitement! - my strawberries started to turn ruby red. Holy crap, I can't believe I'm actually going to have fresh homegrown strawberries!!!!!!

FOOD AND BODY

2009-06-22T08:13:00.002-04:00

I'm getting back in the self-improvement zone. I am refocusing on my meditation practice which is good, good, good for me. I also want to turn my attention towards my body - what I put in it and how I move it daily.

Yesterday I ate 4 (!!!) biscuits with butter and jam, some leftover pasta w/ sausage and broccoli rabe, steak, potato wedges, salad, and a pint of Ben and Jerry's Mint Chocolate Cookie Ice Cream. In truth my husband helped with the ice cream, but I think I could have polished off that pint on my own...

And what did I do physically to burn off some of thise useless calories? NOTHING! I read for a couple of hours. I surfed the web (it's called surfing; shouldn't that count as physical activity?). I cooked the delicious steak dinner we ate. Not a good balance of food/activity.

I think my yesterday was necessary to push me into a healthier today and tomorrow. I will eat better and move my body today. And when I decide I need a cookie, I'll just remind myself of the pint of ice cream I ate yesterday...

EAT PRAY LOVE

2009-06-21T19:08:00.003-04:00

I am FINALLY reading eat, pray, love...the book that I have beeen longing to read for months while I finished everything that I had to read. But I'm finally there - here - right in the middle of this gorgeously speaking-to-me book.

I've recently started wondering if I should be writing down everything I think. Should I write daily about what I do that day? Or should I write about what people around me do? Or should I write about the feelings that I don't talk about? Or maybe I should write about my dreams, or the conversations I have with my cat, or maybe I should just write a how-to book, or a cookbook, or a guidebook to living in New York?

I get a serious high from reading a great book and it makes me want to write everything down so maybe one day I can give some other person that totally air in your body, visions in your brain feeling that comes around chapter six, when you finally are in the story, walking those steps, breathing that air.

I Work on a Tony Award Winning Musical

2009-06-17T08:29:00.002-04:00

That's right. I do. And it's hard work. The challenges are quite different with a successful show than they are with a not-so-successful show. I am learning new ways to think about problems, which I love. These are skills that I can use on many different shows and, in case theatre suddenly disappears off the earth, they are skills I can use in many different industries.

On another note, I love food.

2009-05-30T19:55:00.001-04:00

I'm trying to become a mobile blogger. Well, more precisely, I'm trying to post a message to my blog from my mobile phone. :-D

BLOG BLAH

2009-05-03T09:24:00.002-04:00

I've been in a blog blah lately. For one reason or another what I have to say seems too trivial to write down. So I say it to myself and then move on. I wonder if that's the first sign of going crazy...

Today I need to put feelings of love and good health into the atmosphere. A friend of a friend just had a baby and things are rough right now - the baby is very tiny and the family has been in and out of the hospital. I need good love and warm thoughts sent to this family and am putting it out there to the 2 people who sometimes read this blog, but more to the Internet Spirit that exists inside these wires and routers and modems and airport cards.

If only the people who pester us with spam could pick a subject matter for their emails that would make people feel good, or might illicit some positive change. If I had spam-ability, right now I'd blast out an email of love, and request prayers and good wishes for this teeny-tiny baby.

NOT MY WORDS, BUT ALL THE SAME

2009-04-05T09:22:00.003-04:00

Dancing in the backyard
Kool-aid moustache and butterfly wings
Hearing Andrea McArdle sing
From the hi-fi in the den
I've been waiting my whole life
To find a way back to then

I aimed for the sky
A nine-year-old can see so far
I'll conquer the world and be a star
I'll do it all by the time I'm ten
I would know that confidence
If I knew a way back to then

So I bailed on my hometown
And became a college theatre dork
I was eastbound and down
Moving to New York
So I crammed my life in a U-Haul
To find my part of it all

But the mundane sets in
We play by the rules
And plough through the days
The years take us miles away
From the time we wondered when
We'd find a way back to then

And when you least expect
Opportunity walks through the door
You suddenly connect
With the thing that you forgot
That you were looking for

And there you are
Right in the middle of what you love
With the craziest of company
You're having a kick-ass time
And being who you wanted to be in this world

You're that little girl
With her wings unfurled - flying again

Back in your backyard dancing
I found a way back to then

--from [title of show]

IT'S OPEN

2009-04-04T17:40:00.003-04:00

Finally. It's open. I can breathe again. Especially since it opened to reviews like this. Although in truth that makes my job more difficult. But I'll take difficult with LOVE, to easy with URGH anyday.

I love this cast, this crew, this company, these designers. I love the love that pours out of all of them. I love that the audience feels it and soaks it up like sunshine on a summer day. I love that people are moved by what we are doing.

I wish getting to this point had not been so painful for my office. So many good hearts were bruised getting this show full of love up and running. It's hard to heal that pain; I don't know if it's even possible. But I hope with some distance it will become easier.

"Our eyes are open."

ALRIGHT SO I MISSED A FEW DAYS

2009-03-21T09:31:00.002-04:00

It seems pretty clear that it's gonna take me a little while to get back into the swing of the blog thing. But I'm keeping on keeping on, and that's all I can do.

My cousin just graduated from basic training. Which I guess means he'll have to start doing army type things, like fighting in a war. It scares me that my little cousin - I can remember so clearly the year he was in my Aunt Jana's belly - will likely be deployed into a war. My family is pretty peace-lovin', so this is the first family member of mine to take that path and it is eating at my gut. I'm scared for his life. I'm scared for his big heart. I know that there are many opportunities he will have that he could not have had without this, but I'm still scared for him.

I hate fighting. I don't understand why people don't see that talking and listening and compromising and sharing and give and take are much better ways to resolve conflict than fighting. I'm not talking about the soldiers, though I think it's crazy important that the soldiers too are imbued with a base layer of calm, peace, and love. I'm talking about the leaders. We all have to choose compassion over aggression. Or children will continue to die.

LOVE.

TWO DAYS IN A ROW

2009-03-17T07:39:00.002-04:00

I'm taking it one day at a time - I can definitely recommit to daily writing.

I like to do my very best at everything I do. I don't think that means that I have to be the absolute best - there are a lot of people out there who do a lot of things really well. I don't see any point in aiming to be better than others. But I do like to be the best me I can be.

I'm currently feeling a bit too overwhelmed to actually be the best I can be. I'm letting tasks slide off the side of my plate, like a slippery, vinaigrette covered cherry tomato. STOP SLIPPING AROUND AND GET ON MY FORK, DAMN IT!

But maybe what I am doing is the best I can do under the circumstances. We don't have enough help to get through this time at the top of our game. We are all working at least 10 hour days, often more like 12-14 hour days. None of us has had more than one day off a week for the past three weeks - some of us haven't even had that. We're all letting those damn tomatoes fall off our plates.

So maybe this is the best I can be right now. And I should just live in that moment and be that best.

Good, Better, Best. Never let it rest, until your good is better and your better is your best.

LET'S TRY THIS AGAIN

2009-03-16T08:30:00.002-04:00

I'm foolishly attempting to restart my blog during a month that is sure to challenge my sanity. HAIR opens on Broadway on March 31st. And I'm currently giving my whole self to it. But I had a day off yesterday which gave me the false impression that I have SO much free time...so here I am...writing in da blog.

I'm looking forward to this week. A nice new face will be around the theatre, taking over the task of running the lottery. Which leaves me more time to focus on the other layers of my job, so that hopefully I can do them better and better and better. We'll celebrate a co-worker's birthday on Thursday. I'll have dinner with a dear friend on Wednesday. And there is the continued presence of HAIR, a show so full of love that people are flocking to the theatre to see it again and again and again.

Let the sun shine in.

THIS WEEK

2009-01-15T17:23:00.001-05:00

This work week...

No heat in the morning
A hole in the kitchen ceiling
A fight for what's right
No heat in the morning
Too many changes in one ten minute period
A hi-five with security
A visit with an old and dear friend
Bar Centrale Fish Tacos
A McDonalds hot fudge sundae
No heat in the morning, yet again
Half a bottle of red wine all by myself
Three cigarettes (bad, bad girl...rough, rough days)
Tears.
They realized they were wrong & gave her what's right
Heat!!
Still got that hole in the ceiling...
Snowstorm
Pre-Inauguration Obama cupcakes
Us Airways/Hudson River Miracle

And hey - we still got Friday to go!

WORK

2009-01-13T10:15:00.001-05:00

Challenge me some more, Broadway. I dare you.

2009

2009-01-08T11:57:00.001-05:00

This year will promise to be just as unique as last year. That's the good thing about life - it is always changing. Nothing stays the same. Life, the world, the universe, all of us - we are impermanent. We are ever-changing. Thank goodness for that.

BIGGER THAN ONE PERSON

2008-12-31T09:49:00.000-05:00

When things at work seem out of control (which seems to happen quite frequently in my current field) it's hard to put a finger on the good choices and the bad choices. It's hard to see the cause of the suffering, or why the suffering exists. Because we tend to worry about the personal impact of our choices, about our personal suffering. So we can't pinpoint where everyone else's suffering began.

I wish they could see the damage they are causing. By doing what they think is "best for the show," I wish they could see the negative impact. The ruining of a business relationship that has withstood years of struggle, the potential ending of very long career, the almost definite ending of a few people's jobs. All because of fear. Because they wouldn't talk to their partner. Because of lack of communication. I hope they know that they are juggling the fate of so many people's lives.

But I doubt they do. People - all of us - are so good at focusing on what improves our own position. Not maliciously - we don't do it maliciously. We just, by nature, worry about ourselves more than others. Part of the struggle towards enlightenment is realizing that the whole world deserves as much focus and concern as we give ourselves. Putting that into action is so hard, but it is the first step toward being the most that we can be. Being the most you can be means thinking bigger than just you, bigger than just one person.

I do not look forward to dealing with the fallout of their fear.

MORNING

2008-12-30T07:13:00.000-05:00

I love getting up early and spending a couple of hours before work doing whatever I want to do. Often that includes the mundane activity of checking email, but it also often includes a little meditation, a little physical activity, a cup of tea. Lately I've been jonesing for a French press, as I think making a freshly brewed/pressed cup of coffee would be a lovely addition to my morning activities. Soon I will add a jog to the gym to the list. It truly is my most favorite time of the day - a gentle reminder that I am who I am - not defined by my job, my friends, my clothes. Just me. And I like me, especially when I'm just being me in the morning.

HOLIDAY

2008-12-29T07:23:00.000-05:00

I've been missing here in Blogger-world for a week while I Christmas-ed up in Connecticut with the Molloy side of our family. We had a great time visiting with relatives we only see once a year and those we see more often. There is no visit quite like a holiday visit; somehow it gets in deeper than regular visits - it finds its way right into that memory making part of yourself and hangs on good and tight.

Yesterday my pals Rick and Sue hosted a brunch party downstairs for some friends we haven't seen since 2006. It was amazing to see how they have changed and stayed the same. There were 3 children at this party - 2 babies and a 2 year old. It reminded me of growing up in a house full of kids - very loud but very full of life and laughter and love. It was such a thrill to hang out with Owen Cruse and get to know my old friend Andrew's new creation.

And today it is back to the real world. For a couple of days anyway...then there's New Year's Eve!

HOLIDAY HANG

2008-12-21T09:49:00.001-05:00

A group of friends from Queens came over last night and ate yummy food and drank a fair amount of alcohol and partied for a good long time. There was a baby hangin' with us (which is really a remarkable thing - I kind of think there should always be a baby to love on at a gathering of friends). There was a lot of laughter and too much discussion about crapping in plastic bags. We spent a solid six hours with each other and never once turned on a television or even played a game. It seemed like all each of us needed was each other's company.

How truly, truly blessed I am with such amazing people in my life.

I hope to see all of them much more frequently, but until then I will marinate my soul in the moments we've already shared and wait excitedly to fire up the grill of friendship again.

SLUSHY

2008-12-20T09:40:00.000-05:00

Snowy days lead to to slushy mornings. Slushy mornings lead to wet shoes.

Don't be a douche like me and wear Vans on a slushy morning.

WORK

2008-12-19T17:58:00.000-05:00

It is hard some days to see the art in the business. Watching people I respected a week ago make stupid, selfish decisions that negatively alter an enormous number of lives is so hard. Luckily these are not the people I work for, rather they are people we happen to be doing business with. And likely will not be doing business with for much longer.

I am blessed to work for and with big hearted, large minded people. I am so happy that they believe in art and honesty and being good humans first. I am very honored to be a part of this family, and hope that the misdealings of the folks we do business with haven't made it impossible for me to continue being a working part of the family.

DON'T HATE

2008-12-17T16:07:00.001-05:00

It must be incredibly challenging to have to speak to the press without being misinterpreted. The head of Serino-Coyne made a (fairly bad) joke to a reporter about tourists from Cleveland and is literally being eaten alive by angry people from all over.

How hard must it be to temper your humor with political correctness?!

I like Cleveland just fine and I think Nancy Coyne does too.

INSPIRED

2008-12-16T15:18:00.000-05:00

Today I am inspired by:

My little sister Desiree who is pregnant and full of joy.
My little sister Sarah who is so smart.
My boss Liz McCann who sees the hell around the corner and wants to protect her staff.
My boss Joey Parnes who maintains a sense of humor at all costs.
Snowflakes.
The theatre we produce.
My husband who is always big hearted and tips people better than anyone I know.

HOLIDAY SPIRIT

2008-12-15T16:55:00.000-05:00

It is that time of year when the best things in life turn out not to be the gifts you receive but the little bits of holiday spirit that find you around every corner.

TOUGH READ - I WARNED YOU

2008-12-12T19:29:00.000-05:00

I've been bad. I haven't written in ages. So here's one to make up for it...

I went to the girl doctor the other day. I'm sharing too much information...it only gets worse, I promise. I haven't been the most dedicated gynecological patient. I went to my first appointment when I was 23. I went again when I was 25. Then I just stopped going until last year. I'm a wuss, what can I say?

So last year I went again - to a different doctor of course. (I have this totally neurotic thing where if I don't do what my doctor asks I so badly don't want to disappoint them that I just never go back. Like it matters so much to them. Why am I so crazy???) Anywho...I went to a new doctor that I liked very much. She was friendly and easy going and fast. Which is a really great thing when your feet are in stirups and your ass is hanging off the edge of the table. Unfortunately she moved to California so when I went to schedule my exam this year (like a very good patient) I had to go to a different doctor.

This new doctor was fine too. A little more abrasive then last year's (I'm referring to personality, not texture), but fine. Though she surprised me with a little extra action than I'd ever had before. Have you seen that episode of Friends - the one with Joey's tailor? Where Chandler goes to Joey's tailor and the guy cups his junk? That's kind of how I felt when I got my first mini-rectal exam. Yea, I said it. An unexpected butt poke in the early afternoon. She warned me, but I still felt a little bit like, "hey, none of my other doctor's have done that...is this kosh-oh!!" And then it was done.

So thanks, I guess, to my new doctor for being so thorough. I suppose it's good to know my ovaries aren't hiding out behind my uterus.

END SCENE

MINI-VACATION

2008-12-05T08:31:00.000-05:00

I'm very much looking forward to a little trip to Germantown, NY this weekend. We are only able to get away for an overnight, but it is much needed and will be much appreciated. We'll make a fire and toast marshmallows and drink cocoa. A perfect mini-vacation.

SMOKING

2008-12-03T15:44:00.001-05:00

I don't smoke cigarettes anymore.

Right now I wish I did.

WORK/LIFE

2008-12-02T17:27:00.000-05:00

It's been one of those days. One of those days that makes me love my job at the exact same moment that I want to throw myself out of the window.

Our director was flying in from London today to give notes on the show prior to our Lincoln Center Taping. First email I read this morning at 7:30am is from her - saying she can't get on the plane because her son is sick.

It's these moments when life smacks you in the face. What matters most here is not the $4600 plane fare that we will likely lose. What matters most is that she be with her son while he is ill and that he heals quickly.

Sure my morning was full of scrambling to try to avoid being charged for services that we are no longer utilizing. But it was much less stressful than her morning, spent worrying about the health of her son.

What matters most is family and friends. Not work. Work is great; work is full of friends and fun and energy. But it is not life. It is a part of life, but it is not life.

These moments remind me of how happy I am to have a wonderful life that includes wonderful work, but most importantly includes wonderful family and friends.

GERALD SCHOENFELD

2008-12-01T14:35:00.000-05:00

He was a really great man, who did really great things for theatre in America. Not always perfect - but then who is? The theatre community will miss him terribly. I sure hope the Shubert Organization realizes his worth and replaces him sufficiently.

TURKEY

2008-11-25T10:04:00.000-05:00

It's almost turkey day. I got my bird today. It's in the fridge, chilling and waiting to be placed in a yummy salty brine. Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait!!

THANKY-G

2008-11-21T13:14:00.000-05:00

I ordered the fixings for Thanksgiving today. Though I am mildly frightened to have so much family in our apartment (not to mention cooking the damn meal) I am simultaneously excited to eat a bunch of yummy Thanksgiving food. I do love sweet potatoes and stuffing and pumpkin pie.

PARK WALK

2008-11-20T17:59:00.001-05:00

A few days a week I walk across Central Park to the C train instead of taking the 6 to the Shuttle. These always tend to be my favorite days at work, as a good visit with nature in the morning tends to put things into perspective.

A couple of days ago I was entering the park at 96th Street and 5th Avenue when a young woman approached me asking if I could direct her to 94th and Broadway. She had an adorable little puppy with her, and therefore wasn't allowed on the crosstown bus. This was one of those moments that come every now and then, where you have the choice to either be a real person or to be a stereotypical New Yorker. I started on the stereotypical New Yorker track, and began to direct her across the park - "just keep walking straight until you get to the other side - you can't get lost if you just keep going straight" - when it struck me that this was an opportunity to be a real person, to connect with another human. We were both going the same direction. Our paths were literally the same, at least until we got to CPW. So I stoped midsentence and said, "I'm going that way myself. You can walk with me if you like."

And she did. And we had a lovely walk and chatted about her life and how she can't wait to move out of her cousin's house and into her own place in the Bronx. And I learned that she had never tried to take the dog (named Patches) on the bus before and didn't know he needed to be in a bag. And so she was walking across the park for the first time ever. This nice lady was experiencing a lot of firsts that day.

I had a first too. It was the first time since I have lived in New York that I let a stranger through my New York protection wall. We all have our New York protection walls. They don't mean that we are rude or anything - they just stop people from getting too close. We can smile and say hello and hold the door for a stranger, but we're not going to comfortably let our guard down.

That day I was able to let it down. It felt good. Really good.

WICKED

2008-11-17T15:38:00.000-05:00

Can someone please explain to me why WICKED continues to gross over $1 million dollars a week? David Stone has done something right. And it can't just be the show itself - there are tons of great shows that closed because they couldn't sell enough tickets. There are tons of great shows that are still running, but making MUCH less money. And - from what I've heard - WICKED is a good show, but not a great one. So what is it?

I want to know what it took. What did he do to make it work?

TODAY

2008-11-15T18:36:00.000-05:00

I just spent a lovely day with a dear friend. We brunched here and then we walked all around Union Square and over to 6th Ave and 18th Street. We brought bras and undies and hand towels and oven thermometers and alarm clocks and looked at wrapping paper and sweaters and lamps and even braved the Union Square Trader Joes on a Saturday afternoon.

I am already looking forward to doing it again.

Aren't friends are the coolest?

CABS

2008-11-15T18:34:00.000-05:00

Riding in a cab is definitely one of my favorite things about living in NYC.

FROM WG WITH LOVE

2008-11-13T16:41:00.000-05:00

This came to Liz today with cookies.

WG totally gets that it defies logic.

TONY TRUTH

2008-11-12T10:46:00.000-05:00

The truth is out, thank you Mr. Riedel!!

Check it out.

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER

2008-11-11T07:59:00.000-05:00

Last night's episode basically replayed a conversation that Geoff and I have repeatedly been having: the baby conversation. Should we, shouldn't we, how will we still work, where will it sleep, are we really ready to be parents? It was as though the writers had bugged our apartment.

It's hard to know. But the little fingers and toes and teensy socks and soft toys and sweet baby smell make it a hard idea to resist.

YUM

2008-11-07T16:32:00.000-05:00

I forgot how yummy a Starbucks Caramel Macchiato is.

PROPOSITION 8

2008-11-06T12:47:00.000-05:00

I cannot believe that there are still enough small-minded people in this country to make it impossible for two people who love each other to legally spend their lives together.

How long will it take for people to realize that we are all the same, whether we are gay or straight, white or black, fat or thin? We have the same fears, the same joys, the same heartbreak.

Isn't being gay just another part of a person's make-up? Isn't it the same as skin color and height and weight? These people who voted for Proposition 8 in California, would they support a proposition to eliminate a Hispanic woman's right to vote? Would they support a proposition to eliminate a fat person's right to marry, or a tall person's right to raise a family?

Isn't marriage a religious ceremony? Aren't church and state separate? Why do people think that the government should regulate who people share their lives with?

Why do I deserve the right to share my life with my husband, but my friend in California doesn't deserve the right to share her life with her girlfriend?

Compassion, love for others, thinking outside of yourself...simple concepts, but seemingly difficult for people to put into practice.

CHANGE

2008-11-05T10:37:00.000-05:00

"This victory alone is not the change we seek;

it is only the chance for us to make that change.

And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were.

It cannot happen without you,

without a new spirit of service, a new spirit of sacrifice.

So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism,

of reponsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder

and look after not only ourselves, but each other."

Yes we can.

Yes we did.

And we will keep on doing.

ELECTION DAY

2008-11-04T12:19:00.000-05:00

I forget, after each election, the wonderful feeling I get after voting. It's that "I'm a part of something great" feeling. That "I've got a voice" feeling. That "this really is my country" feeling.

I hope that more and more and more Americans partake in this incredible right as the years go on. I hope that more countries realize that this is the greatest way to ensure the citizens are being represented as they would choose. I hope that Barack Obama wins this election and that America is ready and willing to back him up for the next four (then four more!) years, as he institutes policies of great change and growth.

Now, if you haven't already, get out there and VOTE!!!!!

Day 21

2008-11-03T10:37:00.000-05:00

Well. I made it to 21 days. Today is the final day of that 21. And I am happier than I've been about pretty much anything to reach today. And to know that at 6pm tonight I am done with this detox and can eat my stone crab legs (celebration dinner!) dipped in butter!!!!!! God, I love butter.

I've realized that we are stronger than we think we are. For the past 21 days I have not eaten any of the good things that I love to eat, but almost more significantly I have taken a vitamin every day, I have consumed flaxmeal everyday, and I have exercised everyday. EVERY day! Not a ton, but some physical movement everyday. I am very proud of that and I plan to keep it up, maybe even mixing in a run around the park every now and then.

I've realized that we have more will power than we think we have. I would not have believed that I could go a day without sugar, but I committed to this idea and my will power was strong enough to succeed. Even through Halloween and my husband eating chocolate fudge pops on the couch right next to me.

I've realized that eating good food makes you feel better. Simple statement - SO true. It's actually not hippie-dippie crap. The fuel that goes in to any system changes the energy and the waste output. Good food means good energy and good waste. Bad food means sporadic, uneven energy and bad waste.

I've realized how much I love being me. I love that I challenged myself and learned that I can still do the random positive things I did when I was younger.

What's next? Maybe running a marathon...

Sweet Potato

2008-10-31T13:18:00.000-04:00

I had a perfectly cooked sweet potato last night for dinner.

It was lovely, though I look forward to having another one next week with butter.

Day 17

2008-10-30T12:09:00.001-04:00

Last night I cheated fully for the first time. Geoff and I ate at a wonderful restaurant called Extra Virgin in the West Village. I ordered the Grilled Salmon over truffled mashed potatoes and grilled asparagus. It was an amazing experience to eat this wonderfully seasoned plate of good food after 16 days of no salt.

It honestly was one of the best "cleanse" options at the restaurant - outside of the salt and likely some butter in the potatoes everything else was a-ok.

So I feel a little guilty, but I also keep having flavor flashbacks of pure joy for my mouth. The meal was definitely worth the slip, and I'm back on track for the last few days - full speed ahead!

Day 16

2008-10-29T10:44:00.000-04:00

Working through the boredom is a challenge. Eating out is a challenge. Snacktime is a challenge. Exercising daily is a challenge. Drinking ground flax is a challenge.

Feeling awake without caffeine or sugar is a blessing. Super soft skin is a blessing. Dropping extra pounds is a blessing. Having abundant energy is a blessing. Remembering the will power and strength that I have inside me is a blessing.

Day 15

2008-10-28T15:48:00.000-04:00

The start of the final week. I will commit whole heartedly to these 7 days of detox. i will hope that the final bits of crud get cleansed out in these next 7 days. And I will hold onto the knowledge that after these 7 days are over I can celebrate my victory by casting my vote for Barack Obama, and watch him celebrate his victory, and the victory of a new America.

Day 14

2008-10-27T12:08:00.000-04:00

Today marks the end of week two. One more week to go, and I am absolutely looking forward to the end. I do think it's good - I am SO glad I've taken on this challenge, but I am also SO glad that I only have a week left. The hardest part right now is variety - I've had a lot of rice cakes with almond butter in the past two weeks. And a lot of fish. But I've also learned that mashed potatoes can be absolutely delicious without any butter or milk or salt - olive oil, garlic and a tiny bit of vegetable broth make a delicious substitute.

I've also been reminded of how amazingly supportive and caring friends and family can be. Numerous pals have offered advice or support throughout this detox - one friend even went so far as to make me an entire homecooked meal! It feels great to be loved so largely. I only hope I can spread as much love around as that which is heaped on me.

Here's to detox!

Craving

2008-10-24T16:15:00.000-04:00

Right now I really want a cheeseburger from Shades of Green.