BIGGER THAN ONE PERSON

When things at work seem out of control (which seems to happen quite frequently in my current field) it's hard to put a finger on the good choices and the bad choices. It's hard to see the cause of the suffering, or why the suffering exists. Because we tend to worry about the personal impact of our choices, about our personal suffering. So we can't pinpoint where everyone else's suffering began.

I wish they could see the damage they are causing. By doing what they think is "best for the show," I wish they could see the negative impact. The ruining of a business relationship that has withstood years of struggle, the potential ending of very long career, the almost definite ending of a few people's jobs. All because of fear. Because they wouldn't talk to their partner. Because of lack of communication. I hope they know that they are juggling the fate of so many people's lives.

But I doubt they do. People - all of us - are so good at focusing on what improves our own position. Not maliciously - we don't do it maliciously. We just, by nature, worry about ourselves more than others. Part of the struggle towards enlightenment is realizing that the whole world deserves as much focus and concern as we give ourselves. Putting that into action is so hard, but it is the first step toward being the most that we can be. Being the most you can be means thinking bigger than just you, bigger than just one person.

I do not look forward to dealing with the fallout of their fear.

MORNING

I love getting up early and spending a couple of hours before work doing whatever I want to do. Often that includes the mundane activity of checking email, but it also often includes a little meditation, a little physical activity, a cup of tea. Lately I've been jonesing for a French press, as I think making a freshly brewed/pressed cup of coffee would be a lovely addition to my morning activities. Soon I will add a jog to the gym to the list. It truly is my most favorite time of the day - a gentle reminder that I am who I am - not defined by my job, my friends, my clothes. Just me. And I like me, especially when I'm just being me in the morning.

HOLIDAY

I've been missing here in Blogger-world for a week while I Christmas-ed up in Connecticut with the Molloy side of our family. We had a great time visiting with relatives we only see once a year and those we see more often. There is no visit quite like a holiday visit; somehow it gets in deeper than regular visits - it finds its way right into that memory making part of yourself and hangs on good and tight.

Yesterday my pals Rick and Sue hosted a brunch party downstairs for some friends we haven't seen since 2006. It was amazing to see how they have changed and stayed the same. There were 3 children at this party - 2 babies and a 2 year old. It reminded me of growing up in a house full of kids - very loud but very full of life and laughter and love. It was such a thrill to hang out with Owen Cruse and get to know my old friend Andrew's new creation.

And today it is back to the real world. For a couple of days anyway...then there's New Year's Eve!

HOLIDAY HANG

A group of friends from Queens came over last night and ate yummy food and drank a fair amount of alcohol and partied for a good long time. There was a baby hangin' with us (which is really a remarkable thing - I kind of think there should always be a baby to love on at a gathering of friends). There was a lot of laughter and too much discussion about crapping in plastic bags. We spent a solid six hours with each other and never once turned on a television or even played a game. It seemed like all each of us needed was each other's company.

How truly, truly blessed I am with such amazing people in my life.

I hope to see all of them much more frequently, but until then I will marinate my soul in the moments we've already shared and wait excitedly to fire up the grill of friendship again.

SLUSHY

Snowy days lead to to slushy mornings. Slushy mornings lead to wet shoes.

Don't be a douche like me and wear Vans on a slushy morning.

WORK

It is hard some days to see the art in the business. Watching people I respected a week ago make stupid, selfish decisions that negatively alter an enormous number of lives is so hard. Luckily these are not the people I work for, rather they are people we happen to be doing business with. And likely will not be doing business with for much longer.

I am blessed to work for and with big hearted, large minded people. I am so happy that they believe in art and honesty and being good humans first. I am very honored to be a part of this family, and hope that the misdealings of the folks we do business with haven't made it impossible for me to continue being a working part of the family.

DON'T HATE

It must be incredibly challenging to have to speak to the press without being misinterpreted. The head of Serino-Coyne made a (fairly bad) joke to a reporter about tourists from Cleveland and is literally being eaten alive by angry people from all over.

How hard must it be to temper your humor with political correctness?!

I like Cleveland just fine and I think Nancy Coyne does too.

INSPIRED

Today I am inspired by:

• My little sister Desiree who is pregnant and full of joy.
• My little sister Sarah who is so smart.
• My boss Liz McCann who sees the hell around the corner and wants to protect her staff.
• My boss Joey Parnes who maintains a sense of humor at all costs.
• Snowflakes.
• The theatre we produce.
• My husband who is always big hearted and tips people better than anyone I know.

HOLIDAY SPIRIT

It is that time of year when the best things in life turn out not to be the gifts you receive but the little bits of holiday spirit that find you around every corner.

TOUGH READ - I WARNED YOU

I've been bad. I haven't written in ages. So here's one to make up for it...

I went to the girl doctor the other day. I'm sharing too much information...it only gets worse, I promise. I haven't been the most dedicated gynecological patient. I went to my first appointment when I was 23. I went again when I was 25. Then I just stopped going until last year. I'm a wuss, what can I say?

So last year I went again - to a different doctor of course. (I have this totally neurotic thing where if I don't do what my doctor asks I so badly don't want to disappoint them that I just never go back. Like it matters so much to them. Why am I so crazy???) Anywho...I went to a new doctor that I liked very much. She was friendly and easy going and fast. Which is a really great thing when your feet are in stirups and your ass is hanging off the edge of the table. Unfortunately she moved to California so when I went to schedule my exam this year (like a very good patient) I had to go to a different doctor.

This new doctor was fine too. A little more abrasive then last year's (I'm referring to personality, not texture), but fine. Though she surprised me with a little extra action than I'd ever had before. Have you seen that episode of Friends - the one with Joey's tailor? Where Chandler goes to Joey's tailor and the guy cups his junk? That's kind of how I felt when I got my first mini-rectal exam. Yea, I said it. An unexpected butt poke in the early afternoon. She warned me, but I still felt a little bit like, "hey, none of my other doctor's have done that...is this kosh-oh!!" And then it was done.

So thanks, I guess, to my new doctor for being so thorough. I suppose it's good to know my ovaries aren't hiding out behind my uterus.

END SCENE

MINI-VACATION

I'm very much looking forward to a little trip to Germantown, NY this weekend. We are only able to get away for an overnight, but it is much needed and will be much appreciated. We'll make a fire and toast marshmallows and drink cocoa. A perfect mini-vacation.

SMOKING

I don't smoke cigarettes anymore.

Right now I wish I did.

WORK/LIFE

It's been one of those days. One of those days that makes me love my job at the exact same moment that I want to throw myself out of the window.

Our director was flying in from London today to give notes on the show prior to our Lincoln Center Taping. First email I read this morning at 7:30am is from her - saying she can't get on the plane because her son is sick.

It's these moments when life smacks you in the face. What matters most here is not the $4600 plane fare that we will likely lose. What matters most is that she be with her son while he is ill and that he heals quickly.

Sure my morning was full of scrambling to try to avoid being charged for services that we are no longer utilizing. But it was much less stressful than her morning, spent worrying about the health of her son.

What matters most is family and friends. Not work. Work is great; work is full of friends and fun and energy. But it is not life. It is a part of life, but it is not life.

These moments remind me of how happy I am to have a wonderful life that includes wonderful work, but most importantly includes wonderful family and friends.

GERALD SCHOENFELD

He was a really great man, who did really great things for theatre in America. Not always perfect - but then who is? The theatre community will miss him terribly. I sure hope the Shubert Organization realizes his worth and replaces him sufficiently.

TURKEY

It's almost turkey day. I got my bird today. It's in the fridge, chilling and waiting to be placed in a yummy salty brine. Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait!!

THANKY-G

I ordered the fixings for Thanksgiving today. Though I am mildly frightened to have so much family in our apartment (not to mention cooking the damn meal) I am simultaneously excited to eat a bunch of yummy Thanksgiving food. I do love sweet potatoes and stuffing and pumpkin pie.

PARK WALK

A few days a week I walk across Central Park to the C train instead of taking the 6 to the Shuttle. These always tend to be my favorite days at work, as a good visit with nature in the morning tends to put things into perspective.

A couple of days ago I was entering the park at 96th Street and 5th Avenue when a young woman approached me asking if I could direct her to 94th and Broadway. She had an adorable little puppy with her, and therefore wasn't allowed on the crosstown bus. This was one of those moments that come every now and then, where you have the choice to either be a real person or to be a stereotypical New Yorker. I started on the stereotypical New Yorker track, and began to direct her across the park - "just keep walking straight until you get to the other side - you can't get lost if you just keep going straight" - when it struck me that this was an opportunity to be a real person, to connect with another human. We were both going the same direction. Our paths were literally the same, at least until we got to CPW. So I stoped midsentence and said, "I'm going that way myself. You can walk with me if you like."

And she did. And we had a lovely walk and chatted about her life and how she can't wait to move out of her cousin's house and into her own place in the Bronx. And I learned that she had never tried to take the dog (named Patches) on the bus before and didn't know he needed to be in a bag. And so she was walking across the park for the first time ever. This nice lady was experiencing a lot of firsts that day.

I had a first too. It was the first time since I have lived in New York that I let a stranger through my New York protection wall. We all have our New York protection walls. They don't mean that we are rude or anything - they just stop people from getting too close. We can smile and say hello and hold the door for a stranger, but we're not going to comfortably let our guard down.

That day I was able to let it down. It felt good. Really good.

WICKED

Can someone please explain to me why WICKED continues to gross over $1 million dollars a week? David Stone has done something right. And it can't just be the show itself - there are tons of great shows that closed because they couldn't sell enough tickets. There are tons of great shows that are still running, but making MUCH less money. And - from what I've heard - WICKED is a good show, but not a great one. So what is it?

I want to know what it took. What did he do to make it work?

TODAY

I just spent a lovely day with a dear friend. We brunched here and then we walked all around Union Square and over to 6th Ave and 18th Street. We brought bras and undies and hand towels and oven thermometers and alarm clocks and looked at wrapping paper and sweaters and lamps and even braved the Union Square Trader Joes on a Saturday afternoon.

I am already looking forward to doing it again.

Aren't friends are the coolest?

CABS

Riding in a cab is definitely one of my favorite things about living in NYC.

FROM WG WITH LOVE

This came to Liz today with cookies.

WG totally gets that it defies logic.

TONY TRUTH

The truth is out, thank you Mr. Riedel!!

Check it out.

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER

Last night's episode basically replayed a conversation that Geoff and I have repeatedly been having: the baby conversation. Should we, shouldn't we, how will we still work, where will it sleep, are we really ready to be parents? It was as though the writers had bugged our apartment.

It's hard to know. But the little fingers and toes and teensy socks and soft toys and sweet baby smell make it a hard idea to resist.

YUM

I forgot how yummy a Starbucks Caramel Macchiato is.

PROPOSITION 8

I cannot believe that there are still enough small-minded people in this country to make it impossible for two people who love each other to legally spend their lives together.

How long will it take for people to realize that we are all the same, whether we are gay or straight, white or black, fat or thin? We have the same fears, the same joys, the same heartbreak.

Isn't being gay just another part of a person's make-up? Isn't it the same as skin color and height and weight? These people who voted for Proposition 8 in California, would they support a proposition to eliminate a Hispanic woman's right to vote? Would they support a proposition to eliminate a fat person's right to marry, or a tall person's right to raise a family?

Isn't marriage a religious ceremony? Aren't church and state separate? Why do people think that the government should regulate who people share their lives with?

Why do I deserve the right to share my life with my husband, but my friend in California doesn't deserve the right to share her life with her girlfriend?

Compassion, love for others, thinking outside of yourself...simple concepts, but seemingly difficult for people to put into practice.

CHANGE

"This victory alone is not the change we seek;

it is only the chance for us to make that change.

And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were.

It cannot happen without you,

without a new spirit of service, a new spirit of sacrifice.

So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism,

of reponsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder

and look after not only ourselves, but each other."

Yes we can.

Yes we did.

And we will keep on doing.

ELECTION DAY

I forget, after each election, the wonderful feeling I get after voting. It's that "I'm a part of something great" feeling. That "I've got a voice" feeling. That "this really is my country" feeling.

I hope that more and more and more Americans partake in this incredible right as the years go on. I hope that more countries realize that this is the greatest way to ensure the citizens are being represented as they would choose. I hope that Barack Obama wins this election and that America is ready and willing to back him up for the next four (then four more!) years, as he institutes policies of great change and growth.

Now, if you haven't already, get out there and VOTE!!!!!

Day 21

Well. I made it to 21 days. Today is the final day of that 21. And I am happier than I've been about pretty much anything to reach today. And to know that at 6pm tonight I am done with this detox and can eat my stone crab legs (celebration dinner!) dipped in butter!!!!!! God, I love butter.

I've realized that we are stronger than we think we are. For the past 21 days I have not eaten any of the good things that I love to eat, but almost more significantly I have taken a vitamin every day, I have consumed flaxmeal everyday, and I have exercised everyday. EVERY day! Not a ton, but some physical movement everyday. I am very proud of that and I plan to keep it up, maybe even mixing in a run around the park every now and then.

I've realized that we have more will power than we think we have. I would not have believed that I could go a day without sugar, but I committed to this idea and my will power was strong enough to succeed. Even through Halloween and my husband eating chocolate fudge pops on the couch right next to me.

I've realized that eating good food makes you feel better. Simple statement - SO true. It's actually not hippie-dippie crap. The fuel that goes in to any system changes the energy and the waste output. Good food means good energy and good waste. Bad food means sporadic, uneven energy and bad waste.

I've realized how much I love being me. I love that I challenged myself and learned that I can still do the random positive things I did when I was younger.

What's next? Maybe running a marathon...

Sweet Potato

I had a perfectly cooked sweet potato last night for dinner.

It was lovely, though I look forward to having another one next week with butter.

Day 17

Last night I cheated fully for the first time. Geoff and I ate at a wonderful restaurant called Extra Virgin in the West Village. I ordered the Grilled Salmon over truffled mashed potatoes and grilled asparagus. It was an amazing experience to eat this wonderfully seasoned plate of good food after 16 days of no salt.

It honestly was one of the best "cleanse" options at the restaurant - outside of the salt and likely some butter in the potatoes everything else was a-ok.

So I feel a little guilty, but I also keep having flavor flashbacks of pure joy for my mouth. The meal was definitely worth the slip, and I'm back on track for the last few days - full speed ahead!

Day 16

Working through the boredom is a challenge. Eating out is a challenge. Snacktime is a challenge. Exercising daily is a challenge. Drinking ground flax is a challenge.

Feeling awake without caffeine or sugar is a blessing. Super soft skin is a blessing. Dropping extra pounds is a blessing. Having abundant energy is a blessing. Remembering the will power and strength that I have inside me is a blessing.

Day 15

The start of the final week. I will commit whole heartedly to these 7 days of detox. i will hope that the final bits of crud get cleansed out in these next 7 days. And I will hold onto the knowledge that after these 7 days are over I can celebrate my victory by casting my vote for Barack Obama, and watch him celebrate his victory, and the victory of a new America.

Day 14

Today marks the end of week two. One more week to go, and I am absolutely looking forward to the end. I do think it's good - I am SO glad I've taken on this challenge, but I am also SO glad that I only have a week left. The hardest part right now is variety - I've had a lot of rice cakes with almond butter in the past two weeks. And a lot of fish. But I've also learned that mashed potatoes can be absolutely delicious without any butter or milk or salt - olive oil, garlic and a tiny bit of vegetable broth make a delicious substitute.

I've also been reminded of how amazingly supportive and caring friends and family can be. Numerous pals have offered advice or support throughout this detox - one friend even went so far as to make me an entire homecooked meal! It feels great to be loved so largely. I only hope I can spread as much love around as that which is heaped on me.

Here's to detox!

Craving

Right now I really want a cheeseburger from Shades of Green.

Day 11

Halfway through the 21 days I've committed myself to complete. I'm feeling good about my progress, and good about my health.

I saw three lovely friends last night - Anika, Rachel and Chris. Your faces bring me very much joy and I certainly hope to see them more often!

Reasons to Keep It Up

Soft skin, bright eyes, smaller waistline.

Day 8

I have gone an entire week without any sugar, caffeine or alcohol. I did have the smallest amount of salt when I ordered edamame at a sushi restaurant.

I am amazed at how good I feel. And I think I might look better too. My skin is extra soft and I've lost four and a half pounds.

Only two more weeks to go...!

A Brighter Day Will Come

Obama '08 - Vote For Hope from MC Yogi on Vimeo.

Day 7

It's starting to make sense. I think about how happy I will be to have a buffalo chicken wrap again from Lennys and suddenly I have no appetite for that buffalo chicken wrap. It sounds kind of yucky. A blackened tuna over organic mixed greens salad...now that sounds delish.

So that's good I think. Redirecting my cravings away from yucky and toward good for me...yea, that's definitely good.

Day 4

Wow. It's Day 4!

Feeling better today - still a little on edge, but better.

I think this cleanse is changing the way my pee smells. Is that possible?

Day 3

Today I feel sad. I am proud that I have made it to Day 3 of the Detox, but I think maybe all the bad stuff is starting to make its way out of my body and maybe that's why I feel sad.

At this moment I am questioning my job. Is it this really what I'm doing with my life? There is nothing wrong with doing what I'm doing - working in a producing and management office of this caliber is a pretty special thing. Many people would give their right arm for this chance. But it's not about this office - this office is great. It's about the rest of my life. And the fact that I don't know if this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. I'm surrounded by these incredibly passionate people, who seem so clearly to be meant to do what they are doing. I feel like I am floating in the middle. I feel like I am very good at getting things done and that is why I am kept around. I feel like my spirit is wilting a little, like I want to be recognized for what I do and given the opportunity to do more. But I have a tendency to want to move quickly, and this place does not let you do that - can't let you do that. I have never been very patient...

Aargh...so much more to think out, but for now I need to get back to being the house seat girl.

Headache

Now I have a headache. That is probably from not having any caffiene in over 60 hours. It's amazing how much our body gets used to having all these bad things.

Lightness

I feel a sudden internal lightness. It's like there is space between my bones and skin, empty space. Maybe the toxins have started to leave my body?

Or maybe I'm just hungry...

Detox

I'm hungry.

But I feel good outside of that.

Detox

I will begin a Detox Diet tomorrow.

I am following a plan given to me by my pal Rachel, and slightly modified by some of my own research.

I will try very hard to document the effects of the detox.

To start, why am I doing this? Why am I so drawn to this cleanse right now?

I feel sluggish, and heavy in the middle. I don't feel like my body has been getting what it needs from the food I eat and the movement I do. I feel more tired and lethargic than I am used to feeling. I think that, after 31 years and two months of build up, it's time to flush some toxins from my system. It's been hard to motivate myself to do much of anything outside of television and work. I don't have my old drive to get frisky. I've been spending too much time sitting on the couch just enjoying sweet treats and salty snacks. I've been smoking too much. I've been drinking too much. It feels like the past ten years of having too much fun are catching up with me.

Let's do it.

NC Wedding

Returned yesterday afternoon from a road trip to North Carolina. Spent only $120 on gas - half as much as I thought we'd spend. Took us 10 hours to get to the hotel and only 8.5 to get home. Though I'm feeling a little car-tired still, I can't believe how easy the whole thing turned out to be.

The "whys" that made this enjoyable: making the car ride part of the adventure - not just the method of transportation, travelling with wonderful people, having lots of different music in the car, celebrating the marriage of a great friend with a bunch of other great friends, good ol' Carolina BBQ, shrimp-n-grits, Gap Outlet, riding bikes around Nags Head, make-your-own waffles, a belly dancing convention, the enormous silver Jesus, salt spray on your skin, America's Funniest Videos' "surprised montage," a true jam session, jack & cokes, Cheerwine, touching places fingers can't feel, the Elizabethan Gardens, sand combining ceremony, a very happy couple.

I feel like I am always apologizing even when I am not in the wrong. I am tired of feeling bad about things over which I have no control.

Uh Oh

Today will be a day. I can feel it already. The office will be rocky and people will be grumpy and my job will be to stay calm and console the wounded.

Because today will be day of viciousness.

Though maybe, hopefully, I am wrong.

With Time

Maybe with enough time we can all learn to love each other. Maybe with enough time we can all learn tolerance. Maybe with enough time we can all learn to be quiet and still. Maybe with enough time we can all learn to see every being as a part of ourselves.

Maybe with enough time we can all learn that we have so much left to learn.

And so little time.

Is it enough?

Dentist

Dentists are not evil people. They do not want to pull out each and every one of my teeth for their amusement. They really intend to be gentle when they are scraping at my gumline.

I will talk myself into it. I will relax in the chair. I will not bite the hand that touches my teeth.

I'm Back!

The show is open. I can crawl out from my little hole and greet the day with words again. Not just mumbles of seat locations and tissue paper choices and quotes for the card and security thoughts and have we pleased everyone concerns. Those are all great and grand and glorious things, but boy do they overwhelm a life.

So today I'm back to the writing. And, after two days of no hot water, I'm also back to the taking a hot shower thing. Woo-hoo!!

Autumnal Equinox

Fall is coming. My calendar says so.

I'll miss the warmth of summer but am looking forward to wearing cozy sweaters again.

Internet

Yesterday the internet went out at our office. And stayed out. All day. It's still out.

Working without internet in this era is pretty near impossible. There are some tasks that can be dealt with, but 95% of all communication takes place over the internet. Not to mention research and reference. It's pretty scary actually. There will likely come a time when some evil genius decides to crash the internet just because she can. WOW. Crash-bang-hiss-piffle-sigh. Our world will come to a standstill.

Maybe this is a reminder to put my hands on things. To make more phone calls and send fewer emails. To "socially network" with people physically and not just virtually. To remember what it was like when I started college and had to work a little in order to communicate with friends. To go to the library instead of Wikipedia.

Or maybe it's just time to switch service providers.

How to Cook Your Life

I'm going to harvest my final pepper of the summer today. I plan to save its seeds so that I can grow more peppers next spring/summer. Sustainability in action, right? The pepper has seeds for just this purpose - nature is a such perfect thing!

Last night I watched a movie called "How to Cook Your Life." It was a gentle reminder to be aware of our actions in all parts of our lives, including cooking and eating. It made me think about how much food I waste when I cook a meal. I'll use 3/4 of an onion and throw the other 1/4 away, I'll buy cilantro and only use a quarter of the bunch before the rest goes bad. It's time to open my awareness to include not only the nature of the food I buy, but also the usefulness of the entire item. It is so easy in our affluent society to utilize a part and then throw away the rest. This is unheard of in poorer societies. This was unheard of in America 75 years ago! We must be more aware, less wasteful, more in tune.

Our actions affect the entire universe. Everything is connected. I must change my ways not for myself, but for future generations.

Berkshires

Today Geoff and I will drive to the Berkshires for a friend's wedding. I love the Berkshires. I don't think I've been anywhere in the Berkshires that hasn't inspired me. This is a very short trip, but I still hope to return with some inspiration. Trips up there mostly inspire me to plant a tree or grow my own vegetables. Sometimes I'm inspired to move out of the city and get a job on a farm or in a gift shop, where work is work and life is outside of work. Where coming home means lounging in the hammock before cooking up a pot of chili and some cornbread. Where after dinner relaxing includes churning some homemade ice cream on the front porch and watching the fireflies chase each other through the sky. Where the hum of crickets is my white noise machine and the sun is my alarm clock.

There are people who live like this. Trips to the Berkshires remind me of that and inspire me to be one of those people.

Used

I am feeling used and neglected. People I thought were my close friends are hiding things from me, it seems purposely deceiving me. How do you deal with this in a grown up world? As a kid you could yell, you could disown a friend, you could accuse them of being mean. But when you are one in a group of under 10, when you must see these people daily, what do you do? Pretend? Or confront? Or ignore? I've been ignoring since January. It's becoming too hard.

I feel sick about it. I want to cry in a corner. I want to hide from them. I want to tell them that they hurt me, but I don't want to give them the satisfaction. I want to quit. I want to punch a pillow. I want to abandon the troops. I want to run away. Mostly I want to run away.

When you feel used by people you thought were your closest friends what do you do?

Big Smile

Geoff and I are heading to a wedding in Massachusetts on Friday. I wish we could stay for a couple of days, but unfortunately my work schedule does not allow for that. I am glad to get away from the city though, even for only 24 hours. I'll take pictures.

Speaking of pictures, I think I'll post one that makes me smile. No particular reason, no connection to this post, just a picture that makes me smile.

South Street Seaport

I saw a show at Spiegel World last night. One of the actor's from Equus is in the process of creating a one-man show about growing up in the circus. Which he did. His parents founded/ owned the Pickle Family Circus. And he became part of the act. What a personal history! I was entertained from Moment One throughout.

I've only been down to South Street Seaport once before. It's quite an amazing place. I think maybe I'll need to visit more often. There are cobblestone streets and outdoor booths selling everything from socks for children to wooden combs to windchimes. There are food court stands every way you turn and amazing views of the Brooklyn Bridge and Brooklyn itself.

Definitely worth another trip, when I have no scheduled event. An exploration trip.

Tech

Man oh man. Tech week makes it hard to write. Makes it hard to even turn on the computer in anyway that isn't directly related to the process of making a play happen.

I'm exhausted and excited and cannot wait until tonight when we have our first paying audience. A sold out house to start the run...how lucky are we?? I sincerely hope people walk away from this play truly affected and with a desire to see really good theatre all over again.

Quick Words

Quick words
Top of my head words
How many words
Two words
First words

LIVE HARD

Interesting. That's a fun game. I'll maybe try again later.

Hair

Good morning star shine. The world says hello.

HAIR. A well timed piece of programming by the Public. And thoroughly enjoyable. It keeps coming back to me at unexpected moments.

Theatre in the park, free for any who will stand in line. It's a beautiful thing.

More of the Same

We are in tech. I have missed a couple of days of writing. The two are linked.

A hurricane is coming to New Orleans. Again. The same administration is in office as was when Katrina hit. This storm is named after a man - maybe they'll actually pay attention to it.

It was a cowardly choice made by John McCain and his campaign to choose Gov. Palin as his running mate. It was done as a tactic, and is more proof that, as experienced as he is, McCain is not ready to lead a country. I do not believe that he really thinks Gov. Palin was the best choice for his VP. He thought she could help him win. To me, a sad reason to choose a running mate.

More of the same.

Feel Good

I dance when I'm alone.

I am happy when I'm dancing.

I'm a pretty terrible dancer.

But that doesn't matter because it makes me feel good.

How well you do something does not determine the joy it brings.

We can't all be best at everything we do.

But we can do what makes us feel good.

Self Improvements

I have not had coffee since Friday. That's three days. I'm feeling good about that.

I am trying to wake up earlier so that I can get at least a little exercise other than my walk across the park. I'm starting with some yoga and will progress to a more vigorous workout soon. It feels so nice to move the body.

I'm hoping to let these two changes become ingrained before I add another. I want to do the Rachel Ayers cleanse. It's a little scary, but I think it will be really good for me. My plan is to start it after my play opens. That is September 25th, so I expect to begin the cleanse Monday, September 29th.

12 Simple Changes, part two

7. Buy locally.
Start by determining your area's biggest crops and make them staples of your diet. Then check your local supermarket for any locally grown foods - if there are no labels, ask someone! Or (more fun!) do a little research and determine if there is a farmer's market in your area. If there is, do your fresh veggie and fruit shopping there. The benefits of buying locally are great. You will often spend less money as you are buying direct from the grower. The nutrient level and freshness is unbeatable - after all most of the crops were picked the day you bought them! The fuel needed to transport the food to you is much less than if you eat a tomato shipped from Brazil. And you are putting money back into your community.

8. Use recycled paper in your printer.
This should be applied at home and work if possible. There are amazing recycled papers out there nowadays, with almost no discernible difference from paper made of fresh-cut trees. Blech. Just thinking about what is done to a forest in order to make paper...paper! There is no reason not to switch to recycled. It can often be found for the same cost or a less. Ask your office manager to make the switch!

9. Use recycled or biodegradable trash bags.
Here's an obvious one. Seriously folks, they are holding your garbage. Why does our trash need to be held by shiny new plastic bags? Here's a reminder: plastic is made from oil. Oil occupies a portion of the earth underneath the surface. As we remove the oil we are literally draining the earth of something it created for a reason, a need. And I sincerely doubt that reason/need was for humans to make trash bags.

10. Walk.
If you don't need to drive, don't. You'll save gas (and therefore cash) and be doing something good for your health.

11. Think about the people you encounter.
Everyone you see throughout the day has the same basic needs as you do. Everyone. From the homeless guy on the train to the rich investment banker lady getting into a taxi to the illegal alien who buses your table. They are all human beings who need to eat, sleep and be loved. If we could think for a second of the people we encounter as people, not just as obstacles in the way of us and our grande skim latte, imagine the compassion we would begin to feel for them and for the world. And it doesn't cost a penny.

12. Spend at least 5 minutes a day alone in silence.
Whatever this means to you, do it. Whether it is prayer, yoga, meditation, or just sitting on the couch with the TV off, do it. If it means locking yourself in the bathroom, do it. We all need to check in with ourselves daily. And that can't be done while watching TV or feeding your children or checking your email. Find five minutes for yourself and just be quiet.

More

I am going through some kind of thing right now. One of those "question where I am in life and the choices I've made" kind of things. I'm wondering about this career path I've chosen. That I've now chosen twice.

I love the people I work with. I love the wealth of knowledge that exists in my office. I love the art we produce. I love the fact that our office takes an idea and then finds the financial support to make it happen. I even thoroughly enjoy the bits and pieces of my actual day to day job. I just can't imagine doing it for the rest of my life.

My friend Sue knew at like age 12 that she was going to be a producer. At age 12 I was a scrappy tomboy, playing basketball and excelling in math and science. I had never seen a play outside of the children's theatre shows that happened in our cafeteria. And when I became involved in theatre it was to be on stage.

I have never really put much into looking towards my future. I have always taken things as they come, trying to be flexible and to go where each day led me. That is why I have such a random selection of skills. There have been moments of definites however. I knew I was supposed to come back to this office in January. So instead of staying on the Off-Bway path, I dug in my heels and turned around. And I am glad I did. It was the right choice. Then.

But now is now. And though I cannot imagine not working where I am working and doing what I am doing, I can imagine doing a million other things.

I have always wanted to own a gift card shop and make my own cards.

I have always been fascinated by nutrition and how what you eat changes the way you feel.

I have always been interested in fine carpentry.

I have always been intrigued by religion and its effects on individuals and the world.

I have always wanted to write.

I also would like to have a family. And even with a boss who has three children, I just don't see how that will be practical in this career. It is almost like this career is your baby, your family.

I think I want more than this.

Agave

Iced green tea is good. Tastes clean and I don't have to add milk or sugar (just 1/2 tsp of agave syrup) so it doesn't make my throat all sticky.

Speaking of agave syrup, this stuff is amazing. It is as sweet as sugar and doesn't have any weird taste. You know how Sweet & Low and Equal and Splenda have a funny taste? Kind of like super-sweet chemicals? And stevia requires work and still tastes a little odd - like a sweet herb...which is what it is. Agave syrup is perfectly sweet - similar to simple syrup made with sugar, just a bit thicker - and tastes like sugar. I mean it tastes like nothing, in the same way that sugar does...I'm excited and mildly obsessed with this product. I'd say that, just like anything else that is not directly plucked from the earth or picked off a plant, this should be used in moderation.

Writing to Write

I'm writing this because I want to write something everyday. Except for that one day I've already missed. So this isn't interesting or profound or funny or sweet. It's just blah-blah-blah so I can meet my daily quota.

Oh - here's something mildly interesting. I decided today to stop drinking coffee. I'm going to try to switch over to iced green or black tea for the rest of the summer. My first batch is steeping in the fridge right now. Eventually I hope to reduce caffeine consumption by 100%. So let's see how this first step goes!

Breathe

Breathe
Right-action
Energy
Awareness
To live
Healing
Easy

Facebook

I wasn't sure about Facebook. I'm still a little bit resistant. However I have just been reconnected with two amazing friends, Shelly Work and Annie Gill. It is moments like this that make a social networking site valuable and exciting.

Go Facebook!

Nature

Morning sighs with cool breath,

Sun peeks out from the clouds,

Birds sing songs of a new day,

Flowers stretch their petals.

We are called to action daily by nature.

Nature wakes us up and puts us to sleep.

Nature feeds us.

And what do we do for nature?

Weather

The weather is incredible. I will walk across the park today in order to soak up more of the gorgeousness. Our world and earth are amazing - everything we need we are given by nature. Weather like today's is the perfect anti-depressant! I cannot imagine a chemical concoction making a person feel as good as sunshine, blue skies and a gentle breeze. I am blessed.

Full Life

I unintentionally took yesterday off from writing. A side effect of having a birthday celebration with beer on a work night...

But I'm back!! Yesterday involved a bit more Advil than I would have liked, but after my lovely birthday I will not complain about a headache.

There are days I am overwhelmed by the people in my life. How is it that I have so many amazing people surrounding me? And then I think back to how each one of them came into my world and I get overwhelmed by the incredible opportunities I have had in my life. How did this poor little girl find her way into so many amazing opportunities?

And then I think, "why would I question this?" I have had these opportunities and have these friends because of each individual choice I have made in my life. And because I was supported by a family who, no matter what, supported each individual choice. We were always encouraged to try new things and take risks. My family always believed that you can do anything if you put your mind to it. And though there are some things that you might not be the best at, it doesn't mean you shouldn't do them. It's so much easier to see that support ten years after the fact...

Support and encouragement from family, believing in the self, going after what you want, not being afraid of the outcome. Basic rules for a full life.

Bday

Today is my birthday.

I will eat cupcakes with my office and go to my first shiva...not usually a birthday event, but death waits for no one's birthday.

Then I will have beers with some friends.

It should be an eye-opening day, full of hugs and tears and people I love.

blah

I'm a little unfocused today and think I'll wait another day for part 2 of 12 Simple Changes.

I was very sad yesterday. I cried and yelled and stuck my face in my pillow. I'm not 100% sure why. Just one of those days I guess. The fact that my boss' father died over the weekend definitely did not help matters. It is very hard to know that someone you care about it is in pain and that there is nothing you can offer that they need.

That's all I've got today.

12 Simple Changes, part one

1. Buy Organic Milk

Such an easy change - such a HUGE impact. If everbody started buying organic milk, think of the impact. There's also a huge bonus for yourself - no more animal antibiotics or growth hormones in your morning cereal. All this for a few extra dollars a month.

2. STOP buying bottled water

Get an aluminum water bottle and refill it with your tap water. If you don't like your tap water, get a filter. And remember America's tap water is monitored more closely than any bottled water you can buy. How many bottles of water do you buy in a week? Where do the bottles end up? I'm sure not all of them end up in the recycle pile...

3. Speaking of recycling, RECYCLE!!!

This seems so obvious I almost didn't put it on the list. We should all be recycling - there is no excuse not to. Pretty much everything you throw away can be recycled. Think about what you're putting in the trash before you actually put it in the trash. If it can be recycled, please recycle it!

4. Buy recycled paper products

What is your reason for not buying recycled paper towels or recycled toilet paper? The cost is often lower than a roll of Bounty. And the environmental cost of NOT buying them is enormous. The amount of beautiful, oxygen producing trees that are cut down in order to make products to dry our hands or wipe our asses...we can do better. We, as the most highly advanced species on the planet, know better and have created better ways. Don't wipe your ass with the tree your
great-grandfather used to climb.

5. Replace your light bulbs with CFLs.

Easy, cheap, actually saves you money by reducing your electric bill. There is absolutely no reason not to implement this change.

6. Make one day a week a meatless day

I like meat. I was raised on meat. Chicken tastes good, beef tastes good, and bacon is delicious. However, outside of the fact that eating meat involves killing another living being, raising a bunch of animals for the purpose of food is incredibly hard on the environment. So make one day meatless. It's good for your body to get a break from digesting those complex proteins anyway.

More tomorrow...

Change

A change is coming. I can feel it. I'm not sure if it's the earth's change or this country's change or a change at work or a personal change, but a change is coming.

The solidness that usually seems to exist under me is cracking and shaking. It's not a bad thing, but it's definitely not what it always seemed. Change is hitting that solidness at core. Something's going to happen. I guess something always does. But something is going to happen soon that makes an impact in my life. I know it. I don't know what it is, but I know it.

I think my task is to let go and let the change come. It's no use holding on to what is. Change is stronger than what is. I must let it take me or my work or this country or the earth where it needs to take us. Then that is where we'll be. And that will be good.

Change is good. Change is life.

Late

I woke up late this morning and missed the zendo. Stinks. It was a bit of a sleepy choice - my alarm woke me up but instead of getting up I turned off the alarm and kept my eyes closed. I slept for the next hour in that hardly asleep place, where your mind is thinking and you're aware that your mind is thinking, but you just can't seem to open your eyes. I fully woke up at the exact time that I would need to leave in order to make it to Brooklyn before the start of service.

So instead I changed the ash in my incense bowl and had a nice sit at home. Definitely not the same as Sunday morning at the Zendo, but a valuable substitute.

I am now going to attempt to do the Tai Chi DVD I purchased. I tried yesterday and the attempt was comical. So let's see what today brings...

Morning

Opening my eyes,

the room is dark and silent,

the air is cooling.

Dreams slip out of mind,

What "has to get done" slips in,

Can I bear the weight?

Opening the door,

the world is bright and noisy,

the sun is warming.

The flowers still grow,

the birds sing their morning songs.

It's not that heavy.

Broadway

I saw [title of show] at the Lyceum last night. I thoroughly enjoyed it in its Off-Broadway run at the Vineyard Theatre, and was was nervous that I would not like this uptown version as much. I was pleasantly surprised. It was no life changing piece of theatre, but it's not trying to be. It was funny and sweet and all the things it was downtown. I was more affected when I saw it at The Vineyard, but that might have just been because it was my first viewing.

It did bring back the pain of PASSING STRANGE. I have not completely released that sadness. I think I'm holding onto it intentionally, and I need to let it go. I have been honored to have worked on a shit-ton of shows at this point, but I don't think any of them has had such a profound effect on me as this one. I loved it. I attached to it. I thought it could change lives. And I think it did. But it has closed. It's time to let it go. Boo.

Too much?

Some days it seems like there's just not enough time to do all that I plan to do. It's likely that I'm overfilling those days...

I've always had a tendency to want to do too much. My 10th grade history teacher told me to be careful not to spread myself too thin. Other people have said the same thing - be an expert at one thing, not good at a lot of things. But I really feel like it's a good thing to have many skills. It seems like it makes me better able to survive under any circumstances. I do see how having so many different interests makes it easier to give up on one. It wasn't too heart breaking to give up acting for instance, when I was easily able to transition into carpentry and stage managing. If I did not have those strengths, perhaps I would have stuck with acting.

Here's the thing: why second guess that stuff? I did what I did. I am the person I am in the place that I am because of that stuff. And I am very happy with the person I am and the place I am in. I have a fun, interesting job in a fun, interesting workplace, I have a wonderful husband who loves me with all of his heart, I have amazing friends, I have the freedom to explore my interests, and I can build you a bookshelf or weld a broken railing. I can bake you a fruit and custard tart or grow you some organic basil. And I can still cold read the shit out of a scene.

I lead a blessed life. I am happy.

Bookstore

Yesterday I had a bit of time to kill and so I went into a Barnes & Noble bookstore. I haven't been in a bookstore in ages - not to look at books at least. I've bought birthday cards and journals from a bookstore recently, but any books I've purchased in the past year or two have been ordered online.


I do very much enjoy spending time in bookstores. It is comforting being surrounded by so much knowledge and entertainment all mixed up together. I spent a good long time at the Eastern Religion section, looking for a new book on Taoism. I thought maybe it's time to take my study of the Way past The Tao of Pooh - which, interestingly enough, you can't find in the Eastern Religion section; it's classified only as Humor.

All religions are tied up in each other. So many people work so hard to divide and separate religion from religion. What a fruitless labor. Interdependence reaches to religion as well; why must people fight so hard just to try to remain separate? Just to try to remain distinct from the person in the temple across the street?

Instead of fighting why not just pray/sit? Or put your feet in the grass? Or a hug a child? It would do much more good for the world.

Grief

How lucky I am to have so many wonderful people in my life. Many people are not so fortunate. I do not do the best job of letting all of the wonderful people in my life know how wonderful I think they are. That is something I should improve.

I was sad to hear yesterday that a friend of mine recently lost her grandmother. Death is unavoidable, but just knowing that does not make it much easier to lose someone you love. In Buddhism, as I'm sure with most religions, part of your practice includes learning to understand and accept death as the natural end to life. No one tries to pretend that the death of a loved one will ever make a person feel good, but to learn to accept it as what must be, to learn to accept the impermanent state of all things, can make the fear and therefore the pain a bit less. I don't believe a person will ever not grieve - accepting where you are and what you're feeling at each moment includes accepting sadness. I think grieving equates to the "recognizing you have a thought" moments in zazen. And after you recognize you have a thought the next step is to let it go. Grieve, and then let go.

Easy to say, hard to do.

Sunday

This was a lovely weekend. The weather was lovely, complete with a thunderstorm on Saturday and an ocean blue sky on Sunday.

Sunday morning was spent at the zendo in Brooklyn. It's always so fulfilling to attend the Sunday service. Each time I go I realize that I want to go more often. Something about a room full of people being quiet together is incredibly satisfying. And the sounds in the room during the liturgy, the chanting...it is incredible. It fills me up from the center of my being.


After the zendo I went over to Ryan and Alexandra's apartment. Geoff met us there and we ate a delicious Alexandra-prepared vegetarian lunch. We walked a bit in their beautiful Brooklyn neighborhood and stopped at an adorable little restaurant called Sweet Melissa's for some wonderful made-right-there ice cream. Butterscotch-vanilla ice cream...heaven. This place has a beautiful backyard dining area with flowering trees and umbrellas over the tables; it reminded me of our trip to Ojai, CA last summer. The warm sunny day certainly helped that association.


Following our ice cream feast, a few stops were made to purchase a blender, a couple of peaches, and some vodka. We headed back to Ryan and Alexandra's pad to make some fruity frozen vodka drinks and hang out on the roof. Perfection. It really was a perfect summer Sunday. The only thing missing was a midday nap.

Dreaming

I've been dreaming work dreams. Problem solving in my sleep. Problem solving problems that don't exist. Urgh...

I love my job. I love what I do and I love the fact that a large part of my job is making people happy. I love making people happy.

So dreaming about it is okay. Though I'd much rather dream about dancing in a field of clover and sunshine surrounding by nothing but cotton candy clouds. That you can eat. Yum.

All that's missing is the cotton candy...

Choose nice

People are so interesting. The varying levels of expressiveness, the varying levels of kindness, the varying levels of douchebaggery...

It is so easy to be kind. It really is the most natural thing for a person to do. Even the bitchiest people I know are, when caught off guard, inherently kind. It's only when the time is given to think about a reaction that these people turn bitchy. When given the choice, they choose mean. Geez. What an exhausting way to live your life. You've seen this on the train: bumped from behind they give a naturally polite "excuse me;" stepping off the train, they harshly shoulder the people waiting to get in. That's just hurtful.

I hope I am able to catch myself when I choose to be mean. We are all guilty of making the mean choice; I think that it's what you do when you realize this that allows you to become the fully good person you want to be. And the world wants you to be.

Choose nice.

A Knol and a Friend

I noticed a little news update on Blogger as I was signing in this morning. It mentioned a whole new way to write things online - a "knol." Or something like that. Who the hell knew? I thought a blog was your only option, but apparently you can write a whole different something with just as strange and made-up a name as blog! Oh, the edge of your seat excitement that exists in this modern age! What will the next new word be? Maybe wournal (boring entries about your daily activities) or bliary (a private blog that your 8 year old brother spends his afternoon trying to hack into)...

Seriously though, I'm now going to have to investigate this "knol" thing. It seems that it is less a place to express your random thoughts and more a place for laying down some how-to knowledge. Great idea - we all have those little secrets that could help a brother out. For instance, I know how to align two pieces of wood that just won't push into place with nothing but a hammer and screw. Curious? Well, I guess you'll have to search out my "knol" to learn the trick...

Last night our friend Meredith came over for dinner and beers. And a little Wii Wario Smooth Moves. (If you don't have it, get it. Seriously. It's the best game ever.) Meredith's rad. It's always such a wonderful experience to visit with friends you don't see enough. It reminds you of all the goodness that exists in people out in the world and of the many different lives that are going on that you aren't at all aware of. One more reason to greet everyone you encounter with a smile.

The Fly

I was sitting this morning and a fly kept landing on me and walking around. It is challenging on a normal occasion to keep focused on the breath and not on external occurences. A fly presents a much greater challenge. Truth be told I did not do very well. I started by making small movements to try to frighten the fly away. That worked the first time. But the fly came back. My next small movement did not scare it away. Next I tried turning my head toward the fly and blowing on it. It worked! Once. But the fly came back and no longer seemed intimidated by my breath. So I lifted my arm out of the mudra and flapped it up and down. That also worked...the first time. But the darn fly came back. After a couple of variations of this same flapping I started to realize that this fly was more stubborn than me, and if I was going to continue to sit I would need as different plan. (You can see how well I was doing at focusing on the breath and not the external occurences...) My new plan was this: focus on the fly. So it landed on my folded left leg. And - though it tickled like crazy - I focused my awareness on the fly's movement on my leg. That fly stuck with me through the last half of my sit, an unexpected companion.

It certainly was not as focused a sit as when your awareness is on your breath, but it was fulfilling in whole new ways - I let a fly walk all over me and yet I stayed sitting. That is big growth from when I began sitting, when a stray hair falling on my arm would have caused me to give up for the morning.

Sow a Thought

I am frequently amazed at the synchronicity in our world. How what you are thinking and worrying about seems to randomly coincide with a book you pick up or a movie you watch or a person you meet. The interconnectedness of everything is so obvious if we are willing to see it.

I'm currently reading this summer's Mountain Record, a quarterly publication of Dharma Communications (the not-for-profit educational arm of the Mountains and Rivers Order). The main topic throughout the journal is Karma. I have been wrapped up in this funk, this concern about myself, and have not been listening to the world around me. I have been thinking thoughts of anger and jealousy - concerned for my place at work and when I will be recognized, concerned for my personal space and when I will have more of it, concerned for my friendships and the space that has developed in most of them. I've been sitting in these concerns - sulking about them without really considering the why they exist or the how to improve them. I've not been sending good karma into the world.

Sow a thought and reap a deed

Sow a deed and reap a habit

Sow a habit and reap a character

Sow a character and reap a destiny

It is so easy to drop into a selfish line of thought. And when you think selfishly the next step is to act selfishly. And after you act selfishly once, it becomes easier to act selfishly again and again until you have created a habit of selfishness. This habit then becomes who you are - your character. And though your actions do not dictate the path you will take, they do affect the way you think about situations and respond to them. People start to see you as a selfish person and assume that is what you are - and your selfish actions confirm it. This becomes the clearest path - your thoughts and habits support it and the people around you expect it. So why fight?

Thankfully it works both ways - if you change your thinking to compassionate thoughts, your actions will follow. Your compassionate actions will become habitual; they will become a part of your character. And how easy it will then be to respond to situations in a compassionate manner - it will be natural and logical for you. People will expect you to behave compassionately - that will become the path of least resistance. And how much better for the world will be each step you take?

Enso Tile available at http://www.dharma.net/monstore/index.php.

NY Sounds

Sounds of this morning:

Beep-Beep-Beep-Beep as the police van backs into it's parking spot

Rumrumrumrumrumrum as the garbage truck idles

Waaaaaghhhhh as the momma leaves the baby for work

Psssshhhhh as the radiator releases built up steam - yes, even in the summer...

These morning sounds are typical, frequently joined by a cacophony of voices as the cops change shifts. There are mornings the sounds get under my skin and I fight with myself to remain calm. There are other mornings, like today, when I embrace the uniquely New York sounds of the city waking up.

Though I'd thrill to hear the call of a seagull or the twitter of a songbird greeting the sun.

Outside

The highlight of yesterday - Geoff and I went out to Brooklyn for a BBQ. The BBQ was in celebration of Desi's 30th birthday - I was very happy to have been invited, and had a lovely time. We ate kielbasa, drank Corona, and laughed alot. It is such a wonderful thing to revisit with friends you haven't seen in ages - you get a renewed perspective on how easy it is to live in this world, and how hard we sometimes make it. A sausage, a beer, and some laughter outside in the sun...it's hard to imagine life much better than that.

Personal outdoor space is a blessing frequently overlooked by those who have it. I grew up with a big front and back yard. In college our doorstep was utilized as "outdoors" - and we were satisfied! Even at my summer jobs throughout college there was outside space for basking in the glow and touching the earth.

This type of outdoor space is at a premium in New York. I have had none since moving here, and certainly miss what I never was even aware of while growing up: the space to plant a garden or practice yoga (let's be real: when I was a kid it was recreating the "U Can't Touch This" music video...).

Thankfully Central Park is only a 5 minute walk from my doorstep, though for some reason the Central Park Conservancy doesn't look kindly on people starting their own gardens on public property. :)

I am blessed to be able to walk through the Park anytime I want.

I accept my desire for outdoor space. I will breathe through it and let it go so I may get on with just being present in this moment as I am right now.

Starting Today

Starting today I will try to write a bit each day. Thank you Rachel for the inspiration.

I've been in a mini-funk since returning from my amazing vacation in Mexico. This was our "backyard" - directly out of the sliding glass doors, crashing waves and bird calls were the only sounds...

I had no desire to return home. I have lots of love for this city but it is often a bit cold for me. After 5 days with my bare feet in the sand, New York seemed like a bad dream.

Of course I did come back. And now I'm trying to shake this mini-funk. Hopefully this daily writing can help me put what I'm feeling in order and find the spaces that need to be examined.

Until tomorrow, namaste.